A View from a Bar Stool in Beirut

Summit's Up

2007-03-29T11:17:00.000+03:00

How wonderful to have two delegations going to the Arab Summit! Even better is that neither side believes the rest of the participants are sniggering behind their backs. Neither delegation got the official reception from the Saudi king, merely a meet-and-greet from the Foreign Minister, much like a travel company flunky sent to meet bewildered tourists at foreign airports to give them their maps, hotel vouchers and local do's and don'ts.

Protocol withstanding, El Presidente gets a big chair at the grown-ups' table, while the hapless Sanioura gets a folding camp chair at the baby table reserved for "guests", part of the nomenclature also well suited to his tenuous standing at the Serail, a bit closer to home.
In the official photo of the participants, Fouf is nowhere to be seen (maybe he's pulling faces behind the photographer, trying to make everyone crack up), whilst a po-faced Lahoud is separated from Assad by one degree of Bouteflika. As punishment for their naughtiness, Lahoud, Assad & Abbas have been relegated to the very edge of the photo, while Bouteflika (3rd from right) was obviously just placed there to make Lahoud look taller.
(photo World News Network)

Another thing is our government's habit of creating titles that are just too long and cumbersome. The paper submitted to the Summit on Lebanon is called "The Paper of Solidarity with the Lebanese Government". They need something catchier, something along the lines of "Operation Stand by Me" or "Paper of Toilet". At least everyone would remember the catchy song from the first or failing that, the obvious charm (-in) of the second. Are there two of those as well?

This doubling up could be a good thing for Lebanon. Already a strategy used by inveterate gamblers, doubling up could help Lebanon's fortunes on many fronts. Political promises made by one side could be disavowed by the other, along the lines of a "ah yes, well, sorry mate, wasn't me" argument. Ugly laws or motions passed could be rejected, again "Don't look at me, mate, not my idea". Oh wait, that's already happened.

Sports teams could benefit from the confusion at the Olympics, say, or the Asian Games....when required to declare which is the official team, we could then choose the one that had done better. At least all sides would agree on it. We wouldn't have to worry whether the winning team had been trained in Iran or Syria or, of course, the USA or France.

But scrap that, because the team in the yellow & orange jerseys would claim that even though they placed last, the gold medal winners knew that they had in fact won and would refuse to leave the podium. Conversely, the blue team placing second to last would say that getting to the medals is something that takes time and that there shouldn't be any winners or any losers.
Losers.

Euro 2008 qualifiers were great this week, unless of course you happen to be an England fan. Personally, if I was head of the FA, I'd naturalize every one of my lovely Chelsea's squad who needed it and play them.

Have a good one.

Faint Praise

2007-03-17T11:48:00.000+02:00

Could there possibly be a more damning indictment of any pursuit than to have the Syrian regime praise it as "professional"?
Well that's exactly the term they used to describe Brammertz' latest UN interim report of the investigation into Hariri's murder. I hope Brammertz is just playing his cards very close to his chest because these interim reports have gone from infuriating Syria with accusations against high-ranking Syrian officials by name (remember Mehlis?), to placating her.

Are we to infer that the UN Commission's stance has changed, that in fact Syria had nothing to do with Hariri's murder and countless other acts of violence? A tiger cannot change its stripes. Enough said.

Hariri Jnr. & Berri have been in constant meetings over the past week, consulting over the tribunal (will it, won't it?). Yesterday we had headlines proclaiming success and a compromise over it and today we have headlines "playing down" those same reports. It would be nice if everybody was reading from the same page. Personally, I don't see how there can be a compromise without diluting the authority of the tribunal. Make it more local and we run the risk of riddling it with the congenital corruption and bias that mars every endeavour undertaken in our fair land. I know how trendy it is to support Hezbollah and Aoun (discounting the Shia and some Christians), especially by foreigners living/working/studying here, but believe me, they would be the first to leave if Hezbollah & Co. had their way. There is no argument to support not supporting the tribunal and accusations of foreign influence go both ways so its a self-cancelling argument, don't trot it out.

On a happier note, my lovely Chelsea are still in the race for 3 more titles and have as good a chance as any and a resurgent England rugby team takes to the field for the last games of the 6 Nations.....oh happy day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

And By The Way...

2007-02-16T12:25:00.000+02:00

Lovely, lovely. Another happy week. A day before yet another useless gathering a couple of bombs go off in buses carrying ordinary folk to work. And as usual, accusations are flying thick and fast from, and to, all.

In a country already suffering from economic stagnation, and in keeping with their strategy of economic revitalization, the hugely effective powers that be declared February 14th a public holiday. With the Paris beg-offs trying to out-digit Rocky films in terms of Roman numerals, the Lebanese government still has no clear agenda for getting us back on track. All the terms bandied around by the ruling clique, "cutting spending", "increasing revenues", "implementing reforms" et al are exactly the kind of murky, non-informative crap that doesn't help anyone's faith in the future and certainly don't make me want to invest here. And I live here.
Of course, the other side haven't exactly presented a groundbreaking formula.

It's such a shame that the horrific murder of Rafic Hariri has forever tainted the day of love, an honest, heartfelt day for lovers everywhere, an occasion when romantic florists feel justified in quadrupling the price of scentless blooms and when restaurants don't see anything wrong in prolonging the pain by still advertising Valentine's Day menus for today and tomorrow. Manufacturers of ugly satin cushions with coy messages embroidered on them and printers of enormous red cards must believe its Christmas, not to mention the wits behind X-rated shape chocolates and "sexy" board games. Yes, I'm disappointed we've lost this wonderful day.

March 14 supporters should go downtown and build their own tent city. Except this one could do away with the need for demonstrations and counter-demonstrations by having bigger and better tents. More modern conveniences. Tents with really cool plasma screens and surround sound setups, nice furniture and state of the art camping kitchens. Maybe mini-tents for the maids. There could be little bar tents and restaurant tents, maybe an Aishtitent for all the latest in designer camping gear.

This would encourage the opposition to realize that life really is better on the other side. Opposition tenters could then come over to March 14 bank tents and take out little tent loans and start improving their own tents. Other opposition tenters would come and visit these shiny new tents and want one for themselves and, skipping a couple of steps, this would inexorably lead to political union. It's brilliant.
Hey, Robert MacNamara once supposedly said that he could have won the Vietnam War if only he'd been allowed to give a TV to every Vietnamese household.

Another thing that really irks me is ridiculous little stories published in "news"papers under the guise of, well, news. This whole Berri mediation garbage, for example, in the Daily Rag:
"Reports of a possible meeting between Berri and Saad Hariri were neither confirmed nor denied by Amal MP Ali Hassan Khalil."

What? Read that again. How do you neither confirm nor deny? If you consider yourself some kind of political Machiavelli by answering 'maybe' to yes or no questions through narrowed eyes on national TV, then you might want to review your career path.

Khalil was then asked if Damascus was pleased with the idea of a Berri-Hariri meeting. His brilliant answer, again, I imagine, through narrowed eyes and a stare that passes the comfortable by a few seconds?
"What we hear from the Syrians is that they encourage inter-Lebanese dialogue."

Pfft. No. They. Don't.

Holiday Blues

2006-12-20T12:45:00.000+02:00

The most useless person in that most useless of entities has given a useless statement to the press today. Amr Moussa, Secretary-General of the Arab League, told reporters after meeting with Lahoud that "(Lahoud) should stay until the end of his mandate, and his term should be respected".
In some way, Syria seem to want Lahoud to stay on not only to keep their tentacles firmly wrapped around the executive branch of government, but also to not let the world see what a mockery they make of all things concerning Lebanon.
If Lahoud is forcibly removed from office before the end of his "official" mandate, it would help negate the farcical amendment to the Constitution that made that travesty possible. It would effectively show that the Syrian regime has been pulling the strings. We all know that its true but in diplo-speak to the rest of the world, Syria can always hide behind bold statements declaring non-involvement in internal Lebanese issues and other such claptrap - remove Lahoud and Syria's sticky little fingers will be shown quite clearly behind the scenes. By rejecting Lahoud's extended mandate, we would be showing the rest of the world that he is a stooge and leave one less place for the Syrian apparatus to feel comfortable in.
Unfortunately, so many of our current leaders were involved in that process that it would take a great show of courage to pursue that....what was I thinking? Ah heck, it's just a theory....

The world's slowest coup d'etat continues downtown and shows no signs of stopping (or speeding up for that matter, which I suppose is a good thing). I went downtown and tried to look at it all with an unbiased, unjaded eye but found it very difficult. I'm all for camping and getting back to nature and even living in a tent for a while for something I believe in but after chatting to people down there, I got the distinct impression that no-one (apart from one or two really scary folk) knew what they were talking about except to repeat verbatim what came out of their bosses' mouths. A herd mentality isn't a pretty thing even on herds. No one knows what their leaders intend to do except "bring down this corrupt, illegal & ineffective government" (their italics). Cool.

The Patriarch alluded to improprieties committed in or around the tented city by high-spirited youths - apparently it's shocking to discover that if you put horny single young people by themselves for any length of time they may eventually end up getting some.

On a happier note, my lovely Chelsea took down Everton in a wonderful final 10 minutes last Sunday. We were 2-1 down and in the 81st minute Frank Lampard hit a screamer from 25 yards that Tim Howard could only scrabble at. Gorgeous AND 2-2.
3 minutes from regular time and Drogba found himself alone and in possession after a nod on from Shevchenko. He chested the ball, glanced around, saw no one to pass to and from 30 yards thrashed the ball up, over and behind the goalkeeper. 3-2 and that's why we're champions! I also thought I couldn't be happier until I watched Man Ure defeated by West Ham right after that.....oh, happy days.

So Happy Holidays everyone and cheer up because as always, next year will be better!

Stunned

2006-11-28T14:45:00.000+02:00

I really can't remember being so shocked by an assassination......
but I can remember saying the exact same thing about Bashir Gemayel, Rene Moawad, Gebran Tueni, Samir Kassir and Rafic Hariri and countless other acts of violence and terror in this country.
All these assassinations just become part of our social fabric, as no doubt this latest one will - none of them have ever been properly investigated let alone solved yet we still carry on as usual and what difference has it made to us at the end of the day? Point fingers all you like, construct conspiracy theories until you run out of permits, tear down, spit on and burn as many posters as you please and have demonstrations and marches and speeches from here to eternity because it won't change a thing.

That is why I ask does it really matter who killed Pierre Gemayel?

All we are going to get are more slogans and more faces to add to the posters for the next funeral.

We have all been outraged and disgusted and vowed to get our country back on its feet but the sorry truth is that nothing has changed. Nothing has changed since we handed the country over, under great fanfare, to Siniora et al.
It certainly seems that nothing is going to change in the near future no matter who gets to run it when our leadership pool contains nothing but war criminals, thugs, small-minded bureaucrats, the God-complexed and worst of all, the weak, the unprepared and the incompetent (and sometimes a fizzy combination of all).
Who is going to lead us? Who is going to lead all of us? I can see no leaders capable of anything but navel-gazing, no one able or willing to bridge the divide and doing nothing but drawing lines in the sand. Sadly, nobody is looking at a bigger picture.

It's a sad state of affairs. From this angle (and to paraphrase the vernacular), it looks as though we will always be in the sewer, only the depth may vary.

The Constitution itself, a seemingly collapsible and expandable document, has been used to attack and defend all sides. Even after reading it, I am still no clearer as to who has the best legal expert but I would appreciate an intelligent explanation.

At least the title race between Man Ure and my lovely Chelsea has the potential for some change, so if you don't mind I'll be turning my TV over to the sports channels.

And The Beat Goes On

2006-08-18T12:17:00.000+03:00

Walid Jumblatt came across as quite erudite and logical in his speech earlier today, two qualities I have been unable to credit him with in the past. He pointed out most of the things that many Lebanese bloggers have been saying for a while, namely that Syria and Iran have been behind all the troubles, waging proxy wars against Israel and the US - Iran for its nuclear ambitions and Syria because Assad wants to deflect attention away from his involvement of the Hariri assassination.
He also called for the integration into the army of Hezbollah fighters and for the respect of the 1949 armistice agreement with Israel. I had to look that one up.

President Emile Lahoud, who has Assad's arm so far up his backside that it's difficult to tell where he begins and Syria ends, stated unequivocally that Hezbollah should not disarm, thereby rendering the highest post in the land about as relevant as lips on a chicken. Way to gauge public opinion, dude.

The army has started its deployment to the south, taking over key positions handed over to the UNIFIL by Israel. The deployment itself is a great move, although the army's mission there is still hazy as they have no clear mandate as of yet. Even the French are getting a little jittery about sending troops in with no clearly defined mission, which, considering their history with Hezbollah, is not surprising.

The government is still messing around with words as Saniora has changed his tack towards Hezbollah's weapons.
In earlier speeches he stated: "There shall be no other weapons in the south of Lebanon except those of the Lebanese Army."
That has now been amended to "no other apparent weapons." Apparently, Hezbollah get to keep theirs albeit under their jackets.

Saad Hariri, for his part, lashed out at Assad saying that Syria is trying to "steal Lebanon's victory." Mr. Hariri, I don't know if you were here for the fireworks but if that is your idea of a victory, then I would suggest that next time you let Syria have it.

MEA, the Lebanese flag carrier, along with Royal Jordanian landed their first commercial flights today at Beirut International Airport since the war began. It was apparently negotiated through Prime Minister Saniora's contacts but for the time being only flights to and from Amman are allowed. No word as to why this is but Jordan, along with Egypt, has a peace treaty with Israel and enjoys full diplomatic relations.
MEA chairman, Mohammad Hout said that any passengers turning up for the flight would travel to Beirut for free as well as not pay for the return leg.
No word on how many people turned up.

So far, so good.

His Master's Voice

2006-08-17T01:35:00.000+03:00

Now Syria has added its thoughts to the Lebanese question, I'm sure we all feel much better. The beautifully choreographed show that was Assad's speech was reminiscent of good old pre-1989 Soviet politburo speeches - all show and no substance. He did, however, plant the seed in the masses' minds that the Lebanese government's attempts to disarm Hezbollah will lead to civil war, subtly trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy - more mind games from the masters. All that's needed is another speech by Midgeto the mad Iranian for a hateful hat trick.

At least the other idiots are still fairly quiet in Lebanon.....Aoun, Geagea, Gemayel et al. Although not a fan of his in any way, I am looking forward to Jumblatt's speech tomorrow even if it turns out to merely be comic relief.
"We will not surrender to Assad's & Nasrallah's conditions" is just a great title for a speech - a little long but there can be no wondering about the content. He seems to have become the government's pit bull, saying the things everyone wants to but diplomatically can't. Either way, it couldn't be more damaging than Nasrallah's or Assad's. And you know he'll certainly put a lot more flair into it.

So where do we go from here? What's the next step? Hezbollah has said that it would not leave the area south of the Litani river and that the issue of its arms is non-negotiable. The deployment of the Lebanese Army in the south could, if Hezbollah follows Syrian wishes to play on sectarianism, lead to if not civil war then to a split in the army, many soldiers possibly choosing to side with Hezbollah rather than be forced into a situation where they may have to engage their compatriots. A division in the army along sectarian lines is not something new and would play right into the hands of Syria.

Iran wants nothing out of Hezbollah except to use them as a proxy army in their ongoing nuclear ambitions. The Hezbollah threat will always keep Israel on the hook and under threat and by extension, Dubya, because of his paranoia of seeing terrorists everywhere - much like Senator McCarthy's seeing "Communists under the bed". So far, using Hezbollah to fight Israel hasn't brought any international repercussions to Tehran although that could possibly change. Osirak anyone?

I cannot see our government demanding that Hezbollah disarm but a strongly-worded statement of intent needs to be issued - the outline and mechanics can be worked out later. Bring the long-neglected Shia in the south back into the fold and under our government's care.
If we shout loud enough about it, Syria could be forced into making an ours-or-theirs decision on the Shebaa farms, then we could demand an Israeli withdrawal and in turn remove all of Hezbollah's stated "raisons d'être". The key is in removing all of the obstacles as fast as Hezbollah can think them up.

And on that very same day, reports will emerge that Hell has frozen over.

The Battle Begins

2006-08-14T22:11:00.000+03:00

Hezbollah is on the attack. After it's self-proclaimed "victory" against Israel, it's PR machine is in high gear and it has again pre-empted the government by promising to shelter the homeless and rebuild their homes. Unfortunately, that is the best part of what came out of Nasrallah's mouth in this evening's speech - the rest of it was his subtle stirring up of sectarianism, declaring (in not so many words) that Hezbollah will never disarm and that the state is useless and weak and cannot protect its people. He even went so far as to issue thinly-veiled threats to all who dare oppose him. Proof that attack is the best form of defense.

All those who were pro-Hezbollah remain so, perhaps even more now that it has promised to rehouse them and feed them. Those who were against Hezbollah are now being subjected to threats and intimidation to stop them trying to disarm the militia, to delay any attempt to rid the country of this "state within a state".

Hezbollah sees that it is going to come under strong internal pressure to disarm and disavow any more military action. At least, that is the hope, although I'm prepared for the current government to show us it still has a yellow stripe down its back. At this juncture, national dialogue is useless and bound to fail as it did even when there was no war. The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him and if we don't do it now, we're simply sending the message that we will allow Hezbollah to do whatever Iran and Syria want them to. As a governmental policy, appeasement has historically been proven to invite more aggression. Now is the time to stand firm and halt this insidious attack on what is left of Lebanon.

The country's real battle started today, the moment that unbelievable speech ended.

The Day Before

2006-08-13T19:03:00.000+03:00

As if plumbing new depths of incompetence, the Lebanese Cabinet has cancelled its meeting over disagreements over Hezbollah's disarmament and the Lebanese Army deployment in the south, this after "unanimously" accepting the UNSCR 1701. Moral fortitude and courage have been carried out the back door on a gurney yet again although not unexpectedly.

Hezbollah is again overstepping its boundaries with the Lebanese government, once again holding the nation hostage and Israel continues its massive bombardment even as I write this. With just over 12 hours to go before the ceasefire, both sides seem to be getting back to their old tricks - Hezbollah using the pressure that the Lebanese government is under to force things their way and Israel ratcheting up its tally of war crimes.

A Pyrrhic victory for all.

Weekend Warriors

2006-08-13T02:04:00.000+03:00

It now seems that the mythical ceasefire is set to come into effect on Monday morning. Meanwhile, Israel is massing its troops in southern Lebanon for the last few hours it has left to kill, maim and destroy. Only hours left to commit a few more war crimes under the guise of national security. (I don't want to hear from idiots saying they are not war crimes - bombing Red Cross ambulances, aid trucks, a few convoys of civilians trying to get to safety and a building or ten packed with civilians are all war crimes, go look it up.)
Only hours left for them to get their demented jollies.

If the whole tragedy of the past month is going to end like this, with Hezbollah agreeing to move further north towards Beirut and allowing the Lebanese army to deploy across the whole of the south, what was it all for? What was gained? If they were so concerned about Lebanon and the Lebanese and about abiding by the Lebanese government's wishes, why didn't they do it when UNSCR 1559 was first floated?
What tremendous benefits did we gain by Hezbollah dragging us, kicking and screaming, into this unnecessary and particularly violent conflict? What do all the apologists for Hezbollah have to say?
Sovereignty? Yes, thanks a lot, now we have half the Israeli army encamped in half the country.

Honour? Again, kudos....we have half the Israeli army.....well, you know.

Dignity? I'm sure everyone who lost loved ones, homes and businesses will be honoured to know that at least they did so with dignity.

Freedom from oppression? Oh, give me a break.

We sure taught them Israelis a lesson or two.

Now comes more difficulty. What of our government and Hezbollah's part in it? Who can take the government seriously (as if that was the case before) after all this?
Beirut has become synonymous once again with violence, death and destruction. Fifteen years of rebuilding and rebranding our image abroad has been pointless. Fifteen years of rebuilding an economy have been worthless. Almost a generation spent trying to make use of Lebanon's manpower and brainpower has been an exercise in futility. And we as a nation have gained absolutely nothing except more dead citizens, more piles of rubble and scorn for letting Hezbollah run amok.

Pundits say that the unanimous government decision to accept the resolution was done for the sake of political unity. We've never had it before, why should it matter now? How about accepting it because this madness needs to end, to hell with your "political unity".
Maybe we could get a UN resolution passed that would give us a government that knows what it's doing, how to do it and the cojones to do it.

Either way, the resolution is flawed. It gives Israel the right to attack whenever they deem it's in the interests of national security (the interpretation of national security is left up to them) and Hezbollah said it would keep on fighting until the last Israeli leaves Lebanese territory (or maybe until we have no territory left). Back to the whole Shebaa Farms debacle, then?

More madness in England. How these terrorists (mostly British-born of Pakistani descent) must hate the terrible hardships involved in living there, although I can understand it - cold weather, rain, social security, national health (ok, not the best system in the world but it exists), freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom of worship.
It could drive anyone to strike out at the injustice of it all....if they were to actually live in the kind of regime they advocate, they would find that none of the above would exist there. Maybe that proves the inherent flaw in real democracies, that precisely because of those freedoms dissent is allowed and murderers can get away with planning atrocities.

The lawyer representing a couple of the would-be murderers went on the news to decry how badly her clients were being treated in prison. Apparently, they weren't given anything to eat or drink for 23 hours and that she had to send them warm clothing as they were cold.
I'll bet not half as cold as all those passengers would have been had they succeeded in their attacks.

Worst thing is that if they turned their ingenuity in committing murder towards a cure for AIDS or cancer, they'd probably find it.

On a more personal note, my lovely Chelsea play their first serious game of the season against LiverPoo on Sunday for the Community Shield.
2-0 for Chelsea
And here's me without their new strip.

Be safe.

Actions Not Words

2006-08-09T14:04:00.000+03:00

The lemon that is the ill-conceived UN resolution aimed at ending the war has gone back to the garage for some tinkering and souping-up. A bunch of smug, self-satisfied waddling Arab Foreign Ministers decided that maybe they should get involved at this point and took a communal trip to New York to state their case - which, a month after the war started, is too little, too late.

Fundamentally, the resolution offers no strong and decisive action - it merely asks that Hezbollah stop all attacks and that Israel stop all "offensive" actions. So, taken to an extreme, Israel could theoretically rebrand all its aggressions as "defensive" actions and carry on business as usual.

The one thing that sticks in my throat about the deployment of the Lebanese Army to the south is that if Hezbollah continue their attacks after that, the IDF will have a legitimate target in the Lebanese state. As bad as things are now they could swiftly become so much worse. Hezbollah, although in supposed agreement with the decision to deploy the Army, is not reknowned for doing the honourable thing or for its restraint and Israel has proved over and over again that it doesn't even know what the word means.
So while the rest of the world is pussyfooting around with a piece of paper and making a show of decrying the terrible violence and loss of life, things here on the ground remain pretty much the same - more civilians dead, more of the country laid waste to.

Hezbollah boss Hassan Nasrallah's voicing of the "settling of accounts" to take place after this war is over will have grim repercussions. As if more proof were needed of the direction we are headed in.

In an interview with Al Jazeera at the beginning of the war he said: ‘‘If we succeed in achieving the victory . . . we will never forget all those who supported us at this stage. . . . As for those who sinned against us . . . those who made mistakes, those who let us down and those who conspired against us . . . this will be left for a day to settle accounts. We might be tolerant with them, and we might not.’’

After living 30 years under the Syrian thumb(-screws), Lebanon and most of its diverse communities won't go back to living under more oppression. After the civil war ended, every community gave up its weapons as a sign of good faith. Everyone, that is, except Hezbollah.

Syria allowed them to keep their weapons and even gave bigger and better ones, ostensibly for the "resistance" but more likely as a way to keep themselves relevant in the rapidly changing political landscape.

If Hezbollah keep up the excellent job they're doing in screwing the country, both militarily and politically, and then go on to threaten everyone who wasn't waving their flag during this unilateral extinguishing of the nation, I certainly wouldn't be surprised if other communities started to pick up guns. You know, just in case.
Then, any threats perceived or real, will be dealt with on a whole new level - one where what is happening today actually makes sense.

It reminds me of some graffiti painted on a wall on the approach to the old Beirut Airport during the early 80's which I shall paraphrase:

"Would the last person to leave please turn out the lights."

Doesn't seem so funny anymore.

America's True Colours

2006-08-07T15:54:00.000+03:00

Good article in today's issue of Britain's "The Independent" newspaper.

This draft shows who is running America's policy... Israel

By Robert Fisk

08/07/06 "The Independent" -- -- So the great and the good on the East River laboured at the United Nations Security Council - and brought forth a lemon. You could almost hear the Lebanese groan at this draft resolution a document of such bias and mendacity that a close Lebanese friend read carefully through it yesterday, cursed and uttered the immortal question: "Don't these bastards learn anything from history?"

And there it all was again, the warmed-up peace proposals of Israel's 1982 invasion, full of buffer zones and disarmament and "strict respect by all parties" - a rousing chortle here, no doubt, from Hizbollah members - and the need for Lebanese sovereignty. It didn't even demand the withdrawal of Israeli forces, a point that Walid Moallem, Syria's Foreign Minister - and the man the Americans will eventually have to negotiate with - seized upon with more than alacrity. It was a dead UN resolution without a total Israeli retreat, he said on a strategic trip to Beirut.

A close analysis of the American-French draft - the fingerprints of John Bolton, the US ambassador to the UN, were almost smudging the paragraphs - showed just who is running Washington's Middle East policy: Israel. And one wondered how even Tony Blair would want to associate himself with this nonsense. It made no reference to the obscenely disproportionate violence employed by Israel - just a sleek reference to "hundreds of deaths and injuries on both sides" - and it made only passing reference to Hizbollah's demand that it would only release the two Israeli soldiers it captured on 12 July in return for Lebanese and other Arab prisoners in Israeli jails.

The Security Council said it was "mindful of the sensitivity of the issue of prisoners and encouraging the efforts aimed at settling the issue [sic] of the Lebanese prisoners detained in Israel". I bet Hizbollah were impressed by the "mindful" bit, not to mention the "sensitivity" and the soft, slippery word "settle" - an issue which can be "settled" in maybe 20 years' time. Then came the real coup de grâce. A demand for the "total cessation by Hizbollah of all attacks" and the "immediate cessation" by Israel of "all offensive military operations". Bit of a problem there, as Hizbollah spotted at once. They have to lay down their arms.

Had the council demanded an immediate resolution on the future of the Shebaa farms, the Israeli-occupied territory which once belonged to mandate Lebanon - and for whose "liberation" the Hizbollah have fought - the whole fandango might have stood a chance. After all, Shebaa is the only raison d'être that the Hizbollah can produce for continuing their reckless, ruthless, illegal war across the UN blue line in southern Lebanon. But the UN document wished only to see a delineation of Lebanon's borders "including in the Shebaa farms area". There was even a wonderful paragraph - Number 9 for aficionados of UN bumf - which "calls on all parties to co-operate ... with the Security Council". So the Hizbollah are to co-operate, are they, with the austere diplomats of this august and wise body? Isn't that exalting a guerrilla army a little bit more upmarket than it deserves?

No one was fooled and few disagreed with Syria's Walid Moallem when he said the UN's draft resolution was "a recipe for continuing the war". As both the Hizbollah and the Israelis did yesterday, the former killing 13 Israelis and the latter bombing houses in Ansar - once an Israeli POW camp - which destroyed five more Lebanese civilian lives. Mohamed Fneish, a Hizbollah government minister - who scarcely represents all Lebanese but talks as if he does - thundered away about how "we" [presumably the Hizbollah, rather than the Lebanese] will abide by it [the resolution] on condition that no Israeli soldiers remains inside Lebanese land."

There were more Israeli air attacks on Beirut's southern suburbs yesterday - though heaven knows what is left there to destroy - ensuring that even more Shia Muslim civilians will remain refugees. Fearful that the Israelis will bomb their trucks and claim they were carrying missiles, the garbage collectors of this city have abandoned their vehicles and the familiar 1982 stench of burning rubbish now drifts through the evening streets. Petrol is now so scarce that a tank-full yesterday cost £250.

About the only gift to Lebanon in the UN resolution was the expressed need to provide the UN with remaining Israeli maps of landmines in Lebanon. But Israel has again dropped lethal ordnance all over southern Lebanon. Oh yes, and as usual, the UN draft on these ambitious, hopelessly conceived ideas "decides to remain actively seized of the matter". You bet it does. And so, as they say, the war goes on.

What the UN wants...

* A full cessation of hostilities based upon, in particular, the cessation by Hizbollah of all attacks and the cessation by Israel of all offensive military operations;

* Israel and Lebanon to support a permanent ceasefire and a long-term solution based on the following principles and elements:

* Strict respect by all parties for the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Israel and Lebanon;

* Full respect for the Blue Line by both parties;

* Delineation of the international borders of Lebanon, especially in those areas where the border is disputed or uncertain, including in the Shebaa farms area;

* Security arrangements to prevent the resumption of hostilities, including the establishment between the Blue Line and the Litani river of an area free of any armed personnel, assets and weapons other than those of the Lebanese armed and security forces, and of UN-mandated international forces;

* Full implementation of the relevant provisions ... that require the disarmament of all armed groups in Lebanon;

* Deployment of an international force in Lebanon;

* The Secretary General to develop, in liaison with key international actors and the concerned parties, proposals to implement the relevant provisions ... and to present those proposals to the Security Council within 30 days;

* The UN Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL), upon cessation of hostilities, to monitor its implementation and extend assistance to ensure humanitarian access to civilians and the safe return of displaced persons;

* The government of Lebanon to ensure arms or related material are not imported into Lebanon without its consent and requests UNIFIL, conditions permitting, to assist the government of Lebanon at its request;

* The Secretary-General to report to the Council within one week on the implementation and provide any relevant information in light of the Council's intention to adopt a further resolution.

Not Worth The Paper

2006-08-06T12:35:00.000+03:00

The UN draft resolution over the hostilities in Lebanon , after being touted as a step to end the war, turned out to be not much at all. The original draft couldn't be worked out quietly either, both the US and France arguing over the wording of it, although I'm pretty sure that if France weren't involved it would have been a much flimsier piece.

Lebanon's knee-jerk reaction was to oppose the document as it didn't like the final wording, although this government is so desperate to show that it isn't as ineffective and powerless as it seems that it would have objected to the wording of a document blaming Israel for war crimes.

The Lebanese government sent an amended text to Acting Foreign Minister Tarek Mitri at the UN. Deserved title, as he is acting as though he has a clue.

The document basically says "do what we tell you, when we tell you, how we tell you.....oh, and Israel's allowed to attack you under any pretence." Anyone thinking that the US would ever put its hand to creating a resolution that would make Israel do anything is living the fantasy, especially with mid-term elections coming up. Gotta keep the Jewish vote happy as well and not forget the fundamentalist Christians (who are just as scary as any fundamentalists).

You say you want a resolution
Well you know
We just want to change the words
You tell me that it's devolution
There you go
We all want to change the words
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know you can count me in

Don't you know it's never gonna be alright
Alright, alright

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well we pretend
We're doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you have to wait

Don't you know it's never gonna be alright
Alright, alright....
(profoundest sympathies to Lennon/McCartney for having their song murdered)

More murderous Israeli strikes today, more vicious Hezbollah rockets lobbed into Israel and still no end in sight. At least nothing has changed, something has to be said for consistency.....that, of course, also includes the lack of a heartbeat in the Lebanese government.

I haven't seen anyone high-ranking out and about giving hope and encouragement to the people. No-one has even bothered for a photo-op, maybe going to visit refugees in schools at least somewhere as cosy as Achrafieh. Where's the leadership? Where are the people we elected to look after us?

If anything good comes out of this, it should be that all the MP's get stripped of their positions. A vote of no confidence would go down nicely. Put in some people who have a backbone that is capable of more than (barely) keeping them upright. Say the things that have to be said instead of wrapping yourself in the cotton wool of diplo-speak, covering your ass and any other exposed areas.
Are they worried about being arrested for "actions pernicious or detrimental to the State"? If Lahoud wasn't, I don't think they could be.

If you don't have the courage of at least your convictions, you're in the wrong job.
Hang on, that last sentence was a little misleading - unfortunately, their convictions only run as far as saying yes to everyone while simultaneously emptying the national coffers into their pockets.

It's a tricky job but someone's got to do it.

Cry Havoc

2006-08-04T14:30:00.000+03:00

I've had enough of reading about and hearing and seeing this blind fervour with which people are supporting Hezbollah. I'm sick and tired of the same attitudes of people saying that poor, blameless Israel (a nation founded by people who were declared terrorists by the powers at the time) is just protecting herself from the aggression of the mighty military machine that is Hezbollah.

I'm thoroughly disgusted with our Lebanese government doing nothing and spouting inanities (hat tip Josey Wales). Mark Twain once said "It is better to keep quiet and let people think you are an idiot than to speak and remove all doubt."

Hezbollah dragged us into this mess. The insanity of poking the Middle East's sleeping, rabid dog is beyond me, as is the carnage inflicted by Israel (grrrr). Iran and Syria don't care in the slightest about what happens to Lebanon, about what their proxy war is doing to the whole region and the US would willingly drop Lebanon in favour of Israel. All that guff about how they must protect our "fledgling democracy" is diplo-speak, unintelligible and ultimately hollow.

How can we not see that we are now paying the price for our political disunity, corruption and lethargy? Where is the government now? Who is speaking on our behalf? Hezbollah certainly is whether we want them to or not. All this blind banner waving and chanting of death to everyone who aren't like us is doing nothing. Hezbollah says that they are fighting on behalf of all Lebanese.....well they're not because I, for one, don't want them to. Put a strengthened Lebanese army in charge in the south and there will never be cross-border raids or attacks in either direction.

Whether we like it or not, Israel is here to stay. That is the reality. I don't care about Israel's right to exist because it is not the issue here - what is at stake is whether we will be able to continue to exist.
Hezbollah, ultimately, does not have the interests of an entire nation at heart - if they did, we wouldn't be in the position we are in.

The Lebanese government has spent far too long filling the pockets of its various members. Politicians here don't become politicians out of a love of country anymore. They take that path through nepotism, feudal requirements, financial gain or just a base attraction to power. How nice to be driven everywhere in a late model bulletproof car followed by a jeepload of bodyguards looking suitably menacing. If you're really cool, you could even get a couple of police outriders to announce your arrival, sirens blaring and lights flashing. Must do wonders for the ego and make you actually believe that you're important.

Unfortunately for them, with great power comes great responsibility. You must do service to the country before anything. It is up to the elected government to make the whole population feel Lebanese first and foremost, not to pander to age-old sectarian whims and demands.
Someone in charge has to stand up and defend the country. Why was 60% of the population not consulted through their representatives before we went to war?
No to Hezbollah staying armed. No to war. No to being bullied internally or externally.

If that can't happen, we can hardly call ourselves a democracy.

"Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Caesar's spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial."

William Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar"

You Take The High Road & I'll Take The Low Road

2006-08-04T11:52:00.000+03:00

The IAF has this morning taken out bridges linking Jounieh to the north. Jounieh is a Christian town about 30 kms to the north of Beirut. I'm not quite sure why they have done this as access can still be had by taking the coastal road although this is a lot more time consuming. Those roads remained untouched.

I can only imagine that they are trying a more psychological approach perhaps in an effort to get the Christian population, largely physically untouched by the bombings, to become more vocal against Hezbollah. This, of course, is only conjecture.

The strikes are becoming more & more pointless it seems. Although I'm no military strategist, taking out bridges and roads in a predominantly Christian area, with no Hezbollah areas or strongholds nearby smacks of desperation. Maybe some of the bombs have a sell-by date. Are fighters coming in through these roads to reach Beirut? Dunno, but there are still roads that could do the job just as well. Or maybe they are trying to push a little more business towards Maameltein, our famed fleshpot, lying on the coastal road below Jounieh.

More blah-blah from the Americans about getting a ceasefire from the UN.
"We're certainly getting close.", said Condoleezza Rice.

Well then, I feel much better now.

Darkness At The End Of The Tunnel

2006-08-03T22:31:00.000+03:00

A couple of years before the inception of the Jewish state, the British were controlling Palestine under a mandate. Their headquarters were in the King David hotel in Jerusalem. On July 22nd, 1946 the wing of the hotel housing the British Secretariat was demolished by 6 bombs placed there by a militant Zionist organization, Irgun. The attack was denounced by the British government and mainstream Jewish organizations as "a terrorist attack" and Irgun and Haganah (the group Irgun splintered from) were outlawed as terrorist organizations.

The leaders of these groups, Menachem Begin and David Ben-Gurion, went on to become 2 of Israel's most revered Prime Ministers and when the Jewish State was created in 1948, the members of these groups became the core of Israel's national army.

Ironic isn't it? One man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist.

The devastation being visited upon Lebanon is nothing short of biblical. I was here in '82 when the Israelis came all the way to Beirut and I was here during the worst times of the civil war and I have never seen such destruction and death. The disproportionate retaliation by the IDF surely steps outside the limits of any rules of engagement. But for all their talk of securing their national safety, the Israelis seem to have underestimated Hezbollah.

I disagree with what Hezbollah stands for and with what it did to start this. I stand against their gangster tactics with the Lebanese government and their holding hostage of the entire country, but I am impressed that they have kept the mighty Israeli army at bay and even sent shivers down their spines. The Israeli military seems to view all Arabs as second-class humans. They like to point to Israeli Arabs as evidence against this but they only tolerate them inside their borders because they can control them better there.

The IDF will never beat Hezbollah, not from the air and not from the ground, and even their staunchest ally, the USA, is starting to think twice about what they have got themselves into. Israel knows this too. By doing what they are doing, the way they are doing it, they are only perpetuating (if not fermenting) the hatred of all Arabs towards them. You want a war, then fine, have your war but keep the innocents away from it - and I'm talking about both sides here.

I hope I'm just passing through a phase of pessimism. I've been reading a lot of other blogs and just reeling from some of the attitudes, bigotry and sheer ignorance in the comments sections.

MacDara has gone home to Ireland, sent back by the company he works for to wait for better times. Yet upon arriving home, the first thing he did was organize a protest.

Lebanon Profile has left as well. It is such a shame that the country is losing people like him, moderate, intelligent, educated and clear-thinking. But what have they got left to stay for?

Even Jamal has shifted his unique turn of phrase and point of view towards the war.

The only way out of this is through diplomacy and negotiation but in the end, the only loser will be Lebanon whatever the outcome. Our country has been bombed backwards some 20 years in terms of infrastructure and economy.
Hezbollah will only become stronger after this and make Lebanon an even worse place to live than it is at this very moment. Non-Shia's will find it less and less to their liking and the already weak government won't have much of a say in it. Moderates who just want to live their lives peacefully and prosperously will be outvoiced and outmuscled by militancy and the wonderful Beirut of last summer won't be seen again.
No, instead we'll be starting out in the era the Israelis have bombed us to and where Hezbollah wants us to be - the Stone Age.

Be safe.

A Place In The Sun

2006-04-11T09:45:00.000+03:00

I see nothing much has changed - someone is trying to kill someone, everybody is slagging off everybody and nothing has moved forward in our fair land. You'd think that taking a little time off to gain some perspective would actually, well, let you gain some perspective....unfortunately, the conclusion is that the view is the same wherever you're sitting, like some gigantic stadium where all the seats are the cheap seats, the game is pointless and the halftime show is crap.

The only good view has been my lovely Chelsea's return to form with a stunning display of class against West Ham. We won 4-1 when we started 1-0 down and only 10 men. Great stuff, makes me proud to be Blue. An even better view will be from Stamford Bridge next Monday when I shall be attending our home game against Everton, Tony Soprano's team - I shall even buy extra phone cards to be able to let him join in the fun and receive his fair share of abuse, live. Never let it be said that I'm not fair.
So if you want anything from London, you'd better let me know soon.

Expression of the week has to be "damn papists!". It is so fitting for any situation. Try it.
Last week's was "I'm losing the will to live" and it got plenty of use. Seriously, think about what's going on in this country and an almost genetically coded verbal reaction is that phrase.

Italy's elections seem to have given Berlusconi (damn papist!) the boot. Prodi (damn papist!) has claimed victory, a statement that was pooh-poohed by the Berlusconi camp. It'll be interesting to see how this turns out what with Berlusconi the flamboyant billionaire (still fending off allegations of corruption and conflict of interest) owning media outlets, banks and telecom companies fighting the lacklustre but accomplished Prodi, an ex-Prime Minister and former president of the EC.
It's almost tones of home.

Summer's just around the corner, it's getting warmer and some people are already going to the beach. In that spirit, here's what you can aspire to - such dedication.
Somebody please tell me that it's been doctored.

Enjoy yours.

A Quicky

2006-03-24T12:57:00.000+02:00

I'm actually happy to see the lack of entente, of dialogue and consensus because it validates all the negative feelings I harbour towards every single politician. There is not a single voice working for a united Lebanon. Not one.
Most of them are working hard for their pockets, some for outside influences, others out of sheer vanity but you won't find one solitary politico who really believes in any of their own slogans.
They take over downtown for a day, reducing the city centre to a no man's land and don't even bother to pretend to want to compensate all the cafes and restaurants who would normally be overflowing....all this while screaming about the importance of revitalizing the economy.
The worst thing is that I wouldn't care one tiny little bit if at the very least they did something constructive and concrete with all the confidence and hope they strangled out of the population. It's all smiles and handshakes and photo ops going in and then I imagine they just leave through another exit for all the good it's doing.
Their apathy is amplifying all of their shortcomings.

Weather's hot.

Enjoy.

Cheap Thrills

2006-03-22T10:28:00.000+02:00

Can't say there has really been that much to post about in the last week or so. Well, personal stuff but that interests only me. On the local front, I seem to have lost interest in any headline or supposed news story - maybe it's just that there is absolutely nothing happening or I'm feeling thoroughly marginalized by the Olympian level of inertia practiced by the ruling class of our fair state.
On the resumption of our supercharged national dialogue , I guess the proper way to deal with problems is to pretend they don't exist and maybe they'll just go away - mind you, that's the way I would deal with things.....if I was 3 or mentally retarded, but I shouldn't cast aspersions.

Hezbollah says that the economy and a "sound electoral law" should also be added to the national dialogue. My own astute analysis of this would be "duh!" but I wouldn't trust Hezbollah to dialogue my lunch order.

General Michel Aoun has been uncharacteristically quiet these days but I assume he's busy counting the pesos unwittingly handed over to him by the orangeshirts through various dubious schemes. Playing on the loyalty of your partisans is fine if you're not a political group trying to portray some semblance of impartiality and transparency. For example, a Chelsea petrol card I would buy - but I would rather walk home than apply for an orange one.
*UPDATE*....Michel Aoun has in fact been very vocal......in his latest Jumblattian outburst he's railed against all the "Rustom Ghazaleh's" at the conference table. Apparently, he's incensed that the Future Movement is spearheading a propaganda campaign aimed at denying him the presidency.

Hariri instills nothing but confidence in me as he stays out of the country unless his presence is absolutely required. Funny, I would have thought that being the figurehead of the country's leading political party would have required your presence, but ask me a question about music instead.
Rockets found near his home in Koraytem on Monday were not primed to fire but said to have "Hebrew inscriptions" on them.
Well, that proves it. He shouldn't be here, right?

Saniora's words of wisdom for the week have been that Brazil "may" extradite Rana Koleilat. Pfft.

Jumblatt. Who has he alienated this week?

Geagea is rapidly becoming just a mouthpiece for almost anyone. Mind you, just being noticed again must be keeping that Mona Lisa-esque inscrutable grin on his face.

I can't listen to Berri anyway because his arrogance makes me so damn angry & the less said about Lahoud, the better. And because I try to be fair, have I left anyone out?

I'm still reeling from the shock of all the sporting defeats (ah, the agony of defeat) of the past week.

Both the England rugby team and my lovely Chelsea were on the wrong end of stunning victories. England's pathetic 6 Nation's campaign was brought to a blundering conclusion on Saturday when Ireland rightfully took the Tri-Nations Cup by comprehensively beating all of the other British Isles nations. The real pain is the fact that an average French team took the 6 Nations title. Ouch.

My lovely Chelsea inexplicably lost 1-0 to West London neighbours Fulham who are currently languishing in 14th position compared to our top spot. But I would like to assure you all that being an England fan in all things means I am no stranger to disappointment and thankfully, the same applies to my being a long-term Chelsea fan. Still.

Lastly, I would like to congratulate MacDara (the bringer of craic...who knew he had a sense of humour and no stage fright?) and the team for organizing the great St. Patrick's bash last Saturday in the Bristol hotel. The only failure of the evening was the decision to have a screen installed in the ante-room for the pre-prandial rugby, in which Ireland beat England. This game was also watched by 3 (very) quiet England supporters. Shhh, we know who we are. That is what a Bristol gathering should be about.
Damn the luck of the Irish.

Enjoy.

Is Everyone Here?

2006-03-13T09:26:00.000+02:00

Monday is finally here. I've been waiting impatiently all weekend in the throes of excitement just to see what's going to happen to the National Dialogue today. After cutting it short and blaming everything on the mercurial Walid Jumblatt (unreasonable, unpredictable and unbalanced are other traits attributed to him but you have to make up your own mind), the national leaders reconvene to hammer out an agreement over the most crucial issues facing our country today.

My interest in it, though, remains firmly in the area of vocabulary.
If, to quote Speaker Nabih Berri, "failure is not an option", then what word or expression could be used if the whole farce is a complete and utter waste of time? My own personal favourite is "What meeting?"
Suggestions are more than welcome.

Can we blame Israel? Can we blame the CIA or the Mukhabarat? Or will we do what we do best and have a Mexican standoff with fingerpointing?

Hope your weekend was good. Mine was one of mixed blessings, of joy and bitterness, of great happiness and utter abjection. The weather was extraordinary with a bit of a chill in the air but blindingly blue skies.
On Saturday, my lovely Chelsea took a 2-1 win against Spurs, with Gallas cracking in a superb strike with seconds left to play. The Barcelona games are becoming a distant memory and hurt much less now that we are back on track for the Premiership.
Sunday, in contrast, was painful. Not only did England lose against France in the 6 Nations tournament, but were utterly thrashed by a so-so French team. I'm still hurting so be gentle.

Huge thanks to MacDara who kept his word (and commiserations for the Irish Blog Awards) - during the Scotland-Ireland match Mac asked me who I was supporting and I told him that I was applauding both teams (friends on both sides of that one). In a grand gesture, Mac then said he wouldn't applaud the French on Sunday. He obviously didn't applaud England, but I thought his abstention from clapping the Frogs was a nice touch and much appreciated because everybody knows that there is nothing worse than a smug Frenchman. Again.

Enjoy.

Rubbish

2006-03-09T20:01:00.000+02:00

What foul weather today. It’s absolutely pouring down – cold, wet, windy and miserable. I absolutely love it!!! I can’t understand people who just want sunshine all the time. I like a bit of weather in my life, although maybe this qualifies me as depressive. Here in this part of the happy-go-lucky Middle East, we’re blessed by being the only country in the environs without a desert and as such, we’ve got weather. We’ve got green in a big way, we’ve got the Med, we’ve got mountains with some pretty fine skiing, we’ve got rivers, we’ve got forests. Of course, we also have some bad pollution – a fine brown haze that hangs over the horizon every evening. We also have a garbage problem, not just your basic ‘throw it out the window’ mentality but huge dumps that break off into the sea with the regularity of an iceberg. Hell, our garbage has even floated to Turkey!!

I hate to harp on about things as basic as this when we do have so many other problems that need addressing. I’m not an environmentalist, nor an aging hippy who believes in communal living nor am I even a damn lefty pinko, but I do believe that attitudes need to change at a grass roots level if we’re ever to progress. There is no sense of greater community, a civic sense that doesn’t allow you to throw your trash out of your car window or into the gutters – it stops you from burning stop lights just because you think you have much more important places to go than anyone else. It allows you to respect others around you and tempers your ‘me first’ mentality. It may make you stop for a car trying to merge without playing chicken at every street corner. It may even one day allow you to form a queue, although probably not in my lifetime.
And you thought you had a bad drive to work this morning.

On to the Champion’s League again. Shock, horror!!! Reigning champions LiverPoo were knocked out at Anfield by Benfica by an aggregate score of 3-0. The only British team left in the tournament is Arse-nal. My philosophy is always to back the British teams in Europe if my lovely Chelsea are out, but this is Arse-nal and I would rather show support for a French team than support Arse-nal (and believe me, that is a grand statement) – wait a minute, Arse-nal is a French team! Not a single drop of British blood in the entire squad that beat Real Madrid 1-0 a couple of weeks ago and held on to a 0-0 draw yesterday to go through.
Double the reason to hate them.
Hola Barcelona! Olé!

Enjoy.

Goodnights (And Goodbyes) Of The Round Table

2006-03-08T12:58:00.000+02:00

I could be wrong but I always thought that the people who ended up sitting at a round table discussing national unity would be leaders. Leaders, as in people who can and do make decisions. Working forward from that assumption, why would the participants in the "Lebanese National Dialogue" need to, in Speaker Nabih Berri's words, "take time out for consultations"? Who do they have to consult? Although I'm tempted to say Syria & Iran, I won't because that is just unhelpful and divisive. Whatever. It's Syria and Iran. Add whomever else you like to that list because who is included on it doesn't matter; what matters is simply that other powers have to be consulted, yet again.
The basic issues are pretty uncomplicated - getting rid of Hezbollah's weapons, getting rid of a treacherous president and getting to the bottom of the Hariri assassination - but still no consensus on anything. Then Jumblatt sods off to the US and slags everyone off.

Rumour has it that when it came time to discuss the weapons, Hizbullah leader Nasrallah and Nabih Berri 'questioned the point of such dialogue' and then the bearded one 'allegedly stormed out of the room'.
I ave many other choice expressions for it but none that are really acceptable in polite company (yes, I'm talking about you). For someone who whines and whinges about consensus and the need for dialogue, he doesn't do either very well at all. National unity, my ass.

And to add insult to injury, they shut down downtown. You could still go there, but you couldn't park anywhere in a 300-mile radius and you would get frisked every 10 yards by a military type. Despite this, restaurants (paying extortionate Solidere rents) stayed open hoping that people would still come down. By some accounts, the total sum of diners in downtown restaurants over the weekend was 11 - apparently, it would have been 12 but some guy got stood up. Did these restaurants receive any compensation? Did they hell.

The whole thing is just a farce, another attempt to batter the Lebanese populace into submission by raising false hopes. Frankly, I'm sick of all the crap, yet I get sucked in every single time. Every time there's a chance of dialogue, I start seeing beautiful sunsets everywhere I look and hear choruses of angels with every step I take.
It's not their fault, it's mine. Damn this optimism. I'm old enough to know better.

If I sound a little negative, it's probably because my lovely Chelsea were knocked out of the Champion's League last night by Barcelona. I can't say it was unexpected but it still rankles. Yesterday's game was the way I want my lovely Chelsea to play all the time. Inventive, classy and rolling with the punches (of which there were relatively few). Barcelona were frankly a little bland - except, of course, for the sheer genius that is Ronaldinho. I'm always mesmerised by his play - the way the ball seems, by the way he moves it, to be another limb for him. Little heel flicks, scooped passes unerringly on target, sidestepping defenders without a second glance.....all pure magic.
I can't stand the fucker.

More bad news on the entertainment front. I heard from a couple of friends that the brilliant TV comedy Arrested Development has been cancelled. What? Probably the best comedy to come out of the US in absolutely ages snuffed out because it didn't pander to the great unwashed? I understand the concept of business, but when you're a TV corporation you should also produce some class to go along with your lowbrow, a small loss to go along with your mega-earnings. Take a hit for the team, guys.

I think that's enough for today. I still have to read Mourinho's post-game comments.

Enjoy.

Spring In The Air

2006-03-02T13:05:00.000+02:00

It's been a while since I've figuratively put pen to paper and first of all, thank you for your emails (however brief, John-no) enquiring as to my general health and failing that, my mental well-being. I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that both are as robust as ever.

It's been a busy week on many fronts, interesting things happening all over the place in my life, mostly good, some atrocious and one or two were even fantastic....

Let me start with where I left off last week. My lovely Chelsea were about to beat Barcelona at home and that went horribly wrong - that could have been enough of a blow to stop any fan writing, but not the True Blues....we're made of sterner stuff! As nothing was really happening on the political front that inspired or required comment, I decided to wait for the weekend Six Nations rugby to cheer me up.
That too went decidedly pear-shaped as Scotland whipped our asses. I say that because even though the score was only 18-12, any loss to Scotland in anything (except maybe curling and caber-tossing) should be considered an absolute thrashing. For a Celt's point of view, you may want to visit the "poem" that MacDara, who's got a good pair of lungs on him, posted courtesy of the G-Man - it is really very funny.

I was going to go and watch the Ireland-Wales game on Sunday but was having serious doubts about who to support (ya listening, Mac?) so I decided to stay home and lick my wounds. I was further pacified by my lovely Chelsea winning on the same day. I almost felt like my old self last night as England put on a decent performance to overcome Uruguay 2-0. A special mention should go to Ireland for whipping our bête noire and old nemesis, Sweden, but they were mainly powered by a Chelsea boy in the form of Damian Duff, so perhaps it is to be expected.

Most of downtown Beirut is today (and for the immediate future) looking like a SWAT team training camp. Snipers all over the rooftops and military types on every corner. I would have taken a photo of them but was afraid of being mistaken for target practice.
The reason for all this security is that the increasingly rare animal that is the Cabinet is rumoured to have been spotted in the downtown area and we're taking no chances about scaring it away, especially since the understandably skittish El Presidente has made an appearance.
So now we're supposed to have faith in a Cabinet that can't even agree on a meeting place let alone anything under discussion?

First, it was supposed to be Baabda and the anti-Syrian camp refused to go there - and rightly so. Then El Prez was going to come to Beirut but his 'security' said they couldn't secure downtown properly, so it was off again. Now it's on again. Whatever.
Elias Murr, the Prez's son-in-law, gave him a mouthful about not protecting him and even quoted his father-in-law as telling him that he should leave the country lest he become "a slave or a corpse." Niiice.
Murr apparently then finished up with "resign, and go back to being a grandfather to my children." Good role model for them.

Once again the momentum given by popular support comes to a crashing halt at the doors of wherever the Cabinet meets. I find it ridiculous that a country as wealthy as ours could be in terms of brainpower and adaptability should be again run into the ground by a governing body better suited to some banana republic - especially when El P turns up with a ton of folders, apparently detailing the past of each Cabinet member, just in case there's any mudslinging to be done.
In fact, in fucking infuriates me.

And just to add insult to injury, here comes the National Unity Dialogue. I have a problem with each of those words on their own - put together they sound like a punchline, but I can't figure out the joke just yet. It doesn't matter what you call her, folks, she's still just a really ugly girl.
Hezbollah wants their keeping their weapons at the top of the list before discussing anything. Others won't budge until removing Lahoud is top of the list. Yet others won't say a word about anything until the truth behind Hariri's assassination is placed firmly at the top of any list. And there are still others who believe the economy should pull rank. There are even blah, blah, blah, yawn, blahh...
It's all going to end in tears.

The only thing that really interests me is how I'm going to park to be able to pick up my books at Virgin downtown.

Enjoy yours.

Peter Osgood 1947-2006

2006-03-02T11:42:00.000+02:00

One of Chelsea's & England's greatest players passed away yesterday. Peter Osgood, dubbed the "King Of Stamford Bridge", died Wednesday from a sudden heart attack. He was only 59.

Sticking By It

2006-02-21T09:27:00.000+02:00

Andy Murray just won his first major tennis tournament in lifting the San Jose Open title. All the newspapers in the UK were abuzz with this new 'British' tennis phenomenon. Funnily enough, when he was a marginal player (maybe I should just say "younger" as he is only 18), the Scottish referred to him as 'British' and the English referred to him as 'Scottish'.
It warms my heart to see people sticking to their principles with the Scottish now referring to him as 'Scottish' and the to the English, he is now 'British'.......everyone loves a winner!

Which reminds me, I was in Montreal when Ben Johnson won his gold medal at the Seoul olympics in '88, making him the fastest human ever. The whole country went haywire with every newspaper (including the quebecois press) trumpeting the Canadian's pre-eminence in the champagne & caviar event that is the men's 100m.
Of course, when he lost the medal for doping, he became a "Jamaican immigrant" who disgraced himself. Loser.

David Irving, a British historian, has been jailed in Austria for denying the Holocaust. He was convicted on the basis of statements he made at a rally in Austria in 1989. He knew he would be arrested if he went back to Austria and yet he still did - many cynics have said that it is because he needed the publicity for his new book.
Many people are outraged at such an offense against freedom of speech while others believe that he knowingly broke the laws of an independent state and should therefore be tried accordingly. It's a thorny issue following so closely on the heels of the cartoon debate, which is still raging.

As a sample of opinions, on the one hand Karen Pollock, chief executive of the UK's Holocaust Educational Trust says: "Holocaust denial is anti-Semitism dressed up as intellectual debate."

On the other side is Deborah Lipstadt an author and intellectual whom Irving had tried to sue for libel who says: "The way of fighting Holocaust deniers is with history and truth. I don't believe we can win battles through censorship."

I don't believe that muzzling someone will keep them quiet or prove a point. It is essential that we be allowed to speak our minds, no matter how distasteful or ugly the content. Libel and slander laws are in place precisely to protect the abuse of this freedom.

Back at home, Patriarch Sfeir has said that a military man should not be President of Lebanon. He wouldn't clarify or quantify his statement but I'm glad to see a responsible separation of religion and state because it would be irresponsible for a spiritual leader to comment on matters political - especially on matters concerning such an important issue. If he continues in this vein, he'll be endorsing civil marriage soon...

And finally, today the big matches start in the Champion's League but the really important one is tomorrow when my lovely Chelsea host Barcelona in their first game. Now that's going to see some sparks fly.

Enjoy.

And Again

2006-02-20T12:57:00.000+02:00

Pierre Dakkash "vowed" to be an independent MP upon his candidacy. Now he's everybody's bitch.

Hamas are up in arms (figuratively speaking this time) over Israel's decision to freeze their monthly $50 million tax duty stipend. Gee, didn't see that one coming.
So let me get this straight...they give you $50 million a month and you, in return, promise to blow them up? Cushy job.

This photo from L'Orient-Le Jour today of Palestinian security forces in the streets of Rafah.
What exactly is going on?
Maybe they're just Johnny Cash fans, really pleased with the new government.

And if you're still in the mood to offend religious sensitivities, go here.

Mondays always were slow days.

Enjoy yours.

More To The Point

2006-02-20T10:42:00.000+02:00

Cartoon by Pat Oliphant.

Sunday Reprieve

2006-02-19T12:26:00.000+02:00

Every time I get annoyed with everything going on here, I always end up being reminded of what a beautiful place it is. Again in the Cedars this weekend, it's just sublime. It is possible, if only for a little while, to be in Lebanon and not worry about politics, the economy, pollution, or any other day-to-day worries and concerns. Sleeping surrounded by total silence is something Beirutis don't get enough of and waking up to it is something that never happens. The view.....? Well, enough said, especially in Winter.

And since I'm being frivolous and enjoying it here's some incontestable logic:

So there. It must be true.

My lovely Chelsea play Colchester today in the FA Cup's only remaining David and Goliath match, but I have learnt my lesson. I shall never take anything Chelsea for granted again (that's to appease the football deities before our match against Barcelona next Wednesday...)

And so to lunch.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Go Back, Jack, Do It Again

2006-02-15T10:39:00.000+02:00

And so the junta has been given a second chance.
The Lebanese people (minus almost the entire Shi'ite community and Aoun's orangeshirts) gave the March 14th movement another chance by acclamation.

What a sight to see - Jumblatt and Saad Hariri holding hands with Samir Geagea and all three bathed in the adoring light of hope from the crowd. What a great photo-op. What a great soundbite, Lebanon united.

I, for one, am not convinced by all the happy-clappy smiles and words. As soon as they were out of each other's sight they were figuring out how to turn it all to personal advantage and stab each other in the back. Sure, great things were said - we want the truth behind the Hariri killing, Lahoud must resign, Hezbollah must disarm, Syria must leave us alone, Lebanon first - but these were exactly the same things that were said almost a year ago.

What has changed?
Why should I believe that this year is going to be any different? I gave my acquiescence to the current government on the promise that the revolution would carry on through every stratum of public and private sectors. The results are in and they are not too promising.

Living the unique Lebanese experience has made us eternal optimists. During the war, not a single one of us could believe that it would get any worse and so we were always saying that the next year would be better. The next year swung around, things got worse and never mind, next year will be better.
I've lived that way too many years to want to live like that anymore - WE don't have to accept that anymore. We can't keep on living in the hope that next year will magically bring all of our hopes and dreams to fruition. We do have the right to demand that our elected leaders provide a modicum of leadership, an iota of governance, a simple step towards the future (no pun intended).

I need a beer. Enjoy your hump day.

It's Just Another Day

2006-02-13T22:50:00.000+02:00

If you're not feeling particularly thrilled about Valentine's Day in general, this site has an e-card to suit you. Here's a few of my favourites:

Happy VD.

Then & Now

2006-02-13T17:45:00.000+02:00

I'm finding it really hard to drum up any enthusiasm in myself for tomorrow's rally. Nothing stirred inside as it did a year ago - the bickering, posturing and general political lethargy has left me feeling a little empty.
However, I will pay my respects to a man who, however flawed, did try to do something positive for Lebanon.

His son, Saad Hariri has been away for 6 months in fear for his life and returned the day before yesterday because he wanted to be with the Lebanese "on this black day." Jumblatt must be higher up on everyone's shit-list and yet he is able to foxhole it in Mukhtara, so why isn't Saad here? You'd think that as the figurehead of the March 14th movement he (and his handlers) would want to be at least in the same country as the folks they represent.

Aoun seems to be as loopy as ever and is in danger of becoming a real caricature of himself. Even when his supporters say "he's crazy, but crazy like a FOX!" doesn't make him any less away with the fairies.

Lahoud is STILL President.

I find it really difficult to listen to Nasrallah whenever he says anything, because I don't want to live in a Hezbollah-ized Lebanon (and that, ultimately, is his aim) and because I don't subscribe to his conspiracy theories.

And the current government has simply proved its impotence (or incompetence) by successfully doing absolutely nothing. Anywhere else in the world, a government that allowed last week's consulate attacks to happen would have been out the next day. Doing nothing is also criminal.
It is focusing so hard on not pissing anyone off that it has managed to piss everyone off. These times demand strong centrality so for God's sake, take a stand on something.

So forgive my antipathy, fellow citizens, but I won't be out on the streets tomorrow.

Enjoy your Valentine's Day.

(and thanks to 3dflags for the flag)

Pride Before A Fall

2006-02-12T11:09:00.000+02:00

In a frightening response to my lovely Chelsea hubris, reality disintegrated yesterday. A noise was heard last night that deafened those who were really listening. That noise was a gash appearing in the space-time continuum and an alternate universe broke through for as long as it took Middlesborough...... yes, Middlesborough.....to thrash Chelsea 3-0.

It was like watching a different team, as if the real Chelsea were being held hostage in their changing room and Bognor Regis Town stole their strip (and apologies to Bognor Regis Town supporters - if there really are any.)

Now while I accept that occasionally even the greatest teams have little upsets (witness Manure FC, LiverPoo, Arse-nal and Barcelona in the last couple of weeks - that's the beauty of football) and that it won't affect us lifting the title again this season, what really pissed me off was watching it in a pub that had just shown the LiverPoo game. A few straggling Scouser (and a lone Everton fan - but he was big & could take care of himself) fans had remained to watch the rugby and had taken the piss relentlessly. Upon my return from the bathroom, my end of the bar erupted into applause for me as Middlesborough had popped in their third in my absence. Bastards. Utter bastards.

England then went on to win their game against Italy in the 6 Nations battle that was anything but prosaic, with Italy leading at halftime.
Ireland came back from a first half drubbing by France (29-3) to knock the wind out of the French. Shocking errors gifted the ball to the French until almost midway through the second half when the Irish pulled themselves together and steamrolled through a very nervous French team. Unfortunately, in a gripping second half game, the men in green simply ran out of time to finish at 43-31.

It's a beautiful morning here in the Cedars and now all I have to do is face the traffic on my way back down to Beirut - never a pleasant prospect but necessary nonetheless.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Alchemy

2006-02-10T13:44:00.000+02:00

I'm getting more and more disappointed in our country's leaders. It's incredible how political power, or even the mere temptation of it can reduce our leaders to fickle, backstabbing, shameless peons.
Collectively, our leadership should win the next Nobel prize for chemistry.
Their accomplishment?
Turning the gold of the March 14th movement into shit.

All that goodwill generated by 1.5 million citizens, gone. Lebanon Profile of the Lebanese Political Journal has it right when he says: "The worst thing we have done is let the politicians coopt our movement."
There has to be a new breed of Lebanese citizen - one who, in spite of sectarian affiliation, will seek accountability from all across the political spectrum. Is this just howling at the moon?

The cartoon debacle has taken a new turn. While I stand solidly in favour of freedom of the press, some newspapers have decided to reprint the cartoons again this week despite the violence they have caused in some countries. This to me smacks of irresponsible sensationalism and a desire to sell newspapers rather than a true commitment to upholding the lofty (and often blurred) ideals of freedom of expression. It appears that there is no end in site, the gap between the two camps expanding at a vast rate of knots.

A good article on the BBC website titled Bloggers: an army of irregulars shows the power of blogging and why it shouldn't be underestimated - a good read.

In other news, my lovely Chelsea have had a stunning week, firstly taking down LiverPoo on Sunday in a match where we could have left our goal unattended and the Reds still wouldn't have scored (oh wait, we did & they didn't). Then on Wednesday, we proceeded to demolish another Merseyside team in the FA Cup.
Everton, funnily enough the first team this season to stop Chelsea's winning streak, went down 4-1 which is also starting to look like a good number for Chelsea when playing Scousers. We play Middlesborough tomorrow which, unless reality disintegrates by then, will bring us one match closer to getting our grubby little hands on the trophy. Again.

Tomorrow also brings the 6 Nations again with a cruncher between France and Ireland and a more prosaic game between England and Italy.

Enjoy your weekend.

Another Day In The Neighbourhood

2006-02-05T13:24:00.000+02:00

What apparently started as a peaceful demonstration against the Danish cartoon controversy rapidly deteriorated into a thugfest. Demonstrators gathered outside the Danish consulate in Tabaris in Beirut, waving flags and banners with such choice niceties as "Freedom go to hell" and "Voici le conard (sic) qui a ose insulter le Prophete" along with a photo of a man I assume is the cartoonist in question.

It was a massive demonstration which descended into a chaos that the security forces wouldn't or couldn't contain.
There are reports of people being beaten up by the mob in Sassine Square (well away from the Danish consulate) and pictures on the news of people randomly destroying cars and buildings that again had nothing to do with the Danish consulate.
A co-ordinated group smashed the windows of the building housing the consulate and proceeded to enter it and torch anything they could find, whether it belonged to the consulate or businesses who had their premises there. There was something disturbing about the pictures I watched on the news, a randomness of the targets they chose. Cars were smashed and overturned, windows of homes stoned and even a church attacked.
Outside my home I watched a car stop among the crowd to rearrange its passengers - a family with sloganed bandannas around their heads carrying huge flags. The grandmother was put in the front seat next to the father, the mother moved into the back while the teenaged kids were sat in the trunk and told to wave the flags, chant and give the 'V' for victory. A nice family outing.

A few religious figures were seen trying to physically restrain some of the rioters but were brushed away by people caught up in a mob mentality. Frightening stuff.

Some flag burners (who probably haven't quite understood the necessity of having the correct flag) were even filmed Bic-ing a Swiss flag (ah, what the hell, it's close enough - never liked their knives anyway).

The powers that be will of course disavow any knowledge or participation, probably trundling out the old "who can control the people?" line.
For a people who so want to be respected internationally or at least taken seriously we don't seem to be doing anything to help our cause. I'm dismayed and disappointed by such a display and the inability or lack of desire of the government to clamp down. If I was a pessimist, I would say that it had all been orchestrated.
Good thing I'm not.

On a brighter note, the England rugby first XV put in a thoroughly convincing performance against Six Nations Grand Slam winners Wales. The Welsh team were impressive from the start but a resurgent England showed their true class.
Ireland won the opening game of the tournament against a formidable Italy who appear very disciplined and determined at last. Although Italy took an early lead and gave Ireland a few scares, they was no real danger of an upset.
Today my lovely Chelsea play LiverPoo but with the mood in town at the moment, methinks I shall stay home to watch it instead of propping up a bar.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Taking The Mickey

2006-02-03T13:41:00.000+02:00

Cartoon fever getting way out of hand now. There were plenty of good arguments going on over at the Beirut Spring comments, each interesting and worth a read.
Fundamentalism and fanaticism in anything is something I despise as it doesn't allow for dialogue or tolerance. Freedom of expression is one of the fundamental freedoms distinguishing democracies from dictatorships and should be upheld at any cost.

I'm not condoning the cartoons nor am I condemning them but Europe has a long tradition of lampooning religion and this is one of the things that make it so much more tolerant.
The contemporary equivalents of a Spanish Inquisition have no place in modern society but the fear of being politically incorrect or worse, being labeled intolerant, is driving so many countries to be browbeaten and back down on issues that made them what they are - and this by the very minorities who moved to those countries in search of a better life in the first place.
Voltaire famously said: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
Right on.

Shiite ministers from Amal and Hezbollah returned to Parliament yesterday ending their almost 2-month long Cabinet boycott. This was achieved after Prime Minister Saniora said: "We have never called and will never call the resistance by any other name but the resistance and it is a national resistance and we will not use any other expression to describe it but national resistance."

He added: "The government is completely committed to the ministerial statement and the article that acknowledges the national resistance role in liberating Lebanese lands. It is a big role and we never called this role other than national resistance."

So it's the national resistance, is it? Monty Python may have writing credits for that. Supposedly, this will get Hezbollah of the hook from Resolution 1559 by declaring them a 'resistance movement' not a 'militia'. They still have guns and they are still not the army - use all the nuances you like, it doesn't change the fact that Lebanon's greatest source of instability at the moment is from the 2 heavily-armed non-army factions - Hezbollah and the Palestinians in the camps.

Front page of the Daily Blah today has a photo of a giant shark fished off the coast of Tyre, titled 'Jaws comes to Tyre' (such wit). The blurb underneath said it was a blue shark and one 'veteran' fisherman said that this kind of shark is usually found only in the Atlantic and Indian oceans and so must have "lost its way."
Idiots. There's got to be an opening for a fact-checker there.
Now, I'm no marine biologist but I can tell you at first glance that the shark was not a blue shark at all, but a European basking shark. Toothless, plankton-eating, gentle giant of the sea. You can swim next to them, touch them, play with them and they wouldn't even look at you. The Tyre fishermen named the shark "Morina".
I've renamed it "Still Dead".

And by the way, it's also an endangered species. Way to go, guys.

This weekend brings two great sporting clashes in the guise of Wales vs. England in the rugby union Six Nations tournament (I know Ireland are playing too, but only against Italy.....Ireland vs. England is the last game of the tournament!). And on Sunday, my lovely Chelsea host LiverPoo in the Premiership. There's also a nasty rumour going round that I may soon be in the possession of a Chelsea season ticket. Maybe their 3 back-to-back draws are the result of them not hearing my voice in the stands. I hope I can stand the excitement of it all.

Yesterday, even German great Franz Beckenbauer said that England are the best team in Europe and can win the World Cup. Am I annoying yet, Dylan?!

Enjoy yours.

Playing Catch Up

2006-01-31T20:02:00.000+02:00

Great cartoon by Dan Wasserman of the Boston Globe, reprinted in the IHT.

Hamas winning the elections also puts Lebanon in a precarious position regarding the Palestinian "guests" and their guns question. We now have yet another envoy to tackle that situation. I love all this high-level mediation that does absolutely nothing except raise the profile of the envoy and ultimately ends with them trying to force-feed Lebanon some crap solution.
PM Saniora said after a meeting with Egyptian president Mubarak (who is sponsoring the mediation: "Palestinian weapons in the camps should be brought under control and there is no reason why they should leave these camps."

How about "There is no reason why Palestinian weapons should be in the camps at all."? Works for me.

Also, a wonderful Beirut headline states: "Extraordinary Parliament Session May Lead To Heated Political Debate." and it wasn't in The Onion.
Doesn't that tickle anyone's funny bone? Am I just blinking in the dark here?

And this story about a Kiwi dog food company wanting to send food aid to Kenya made me laugh uncontrollably, although it's really not that funny.

Enjoy.

7 Things....

2006-01-30T20:22:00.000+02:00

Finally did it. Obviously for the "attracted to" section you can add your own subject.

7 things to do before I die:

Fly to the edge of space.
Swim with Great Whites.
See the England football team win another star for their strip.
Land a blue marlin .
Brew the perfect beer.
Have my 80th birthday.
Learn to play guitar.

7 things I cannot do:

Support France in anything.
Drink absinthe - what is that?
Put a good book down.
Laugh convincingly at unfunny jokes just to be polite.
Let a bully get away with it.
Forgive & forget.
Explain the offside rule to women.

7 things I say:

Dude.
Waynak? (or of course, waynik?)
Shyeah, right.
Fuck off.
No way.
Whatcha doin'?
I'll have one of the large, please.

7 books I have loved: (I cheated a little here.)

The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson.
All of Douglas Adams (with emphasis on the Salmon of Doubt.)
All of Louis de Bernieres.
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.
Damon Runyon's Omnibus.
All of Stephen King (except the Dark Tower series.)
All of Terry Pratchett.

7 movies I have loved:

7 things that attract me to.....London:

Sunday newspapers.
Live music.
Theatre.
Billions of restaurants.
Parks.
Real pubs.
My lovely Chelsea (you saw that coming, dincha?)

7 people to tag:

MacDara
Scarl0
Graeme
Beirut Bill
Deeelite
John-no
Dylan

Enjoy.

Cry Havoc

2006-01-24T12:40:00.000+02:00

The meeting between Assad and Ahmadinejad in Damascus earlier last week produced the expected mumbles about the need for stability in Lebanon and their support for the Resistance. Of course, these days those two statements are mutually exclusive.
I mention it only now because it's been keeping me thinking - not a state of mind I like to be in too often - and it worries me what sort of mad scientist plan they have concocted along with Hezbollah, these leaders whose backs are, internationally speaking, against the wall.
Not having anything to lose is not a state of mind that can be reasoned with and the human impulse to not go down alone is a strong one. A scorched earth policy would be the endgame here as both sides have proved that they are either unable or unwilling to act as statesmen. Thug is the word that comes to mind. Plenty of other words do too but I won’t get carried away.

The UN has again called on Lebanon to disarm Hezbollah. Although the statement seems more directed towards Syria than towards Lebanon, it's still a sign that the international community hasn't forgotten. The Lebanese government hasn't even ordered them to disarm, as if ignoring the situation will make it will go away. Desperate times call for desperate measures, people. Find the cojones.
Amazingly, resolution 1559 was passed in September 2004.
Aahhh, I remember it as if it was yesterday....

The news this morning carried the hardly surprising news that Sven's been forced out. So in the Reality League that's Gutter Press-1, Sense of Proportion-0.
As usual, a pretty one-sided game and no match report necessary.

A lot on my mind this month - my lovely Chelsea playing Barcelona again in the Champion's League. Jammy fecking LiverPoo, minging whiners that they are, get Benfica. I know I've said this before, but the time draws near and the reality is setting in like some depression-inducing concrete. Mind you, the Poo's way-overhyped weekend "Clash Of The Titans" against Manure FC was boredom personified. Yawnfest.
Luckily, before I tense up and get all stressed over anything, the Six Nations starts in less than 2 weeks. It's a good time to be a sports fan, sports fans.

In case you're wondering, I've removed Michael Totten's link from my sidebar because he's starting to believe his own publicity and is in danger of disappearing up his own fundament. For those of you wishing to link to him yourselves, he's still here.

If you are sitting around at work with not a lot to do and have access to the net, do yourselves a favour and go here. Download the StumbleUpon toolbar and enjoy some great sites chosen according to your preferences. Some of the gems that I've come across in my Stumbles include this and this. One of my absolute favourites is this guy, but make sure you check out his archives especially Steve, Don't Eat It! Nasty.

Alright, I've been tagged by GrocerJack. I'm gonna go and do the 7 things thingy and post it later. Consider 7 of yourselves warned.

Enjoy.

*Update*....this tagging thing isn't that easy after all. You can be pretty sure I won't be posting it today. For those who were about to be tagged - a reprieve.

A Purely English Post

2006-01-19T12:08:00.000+02:00

A detective constable in Nottingham faces the sack after being recorded on video calling a career criminal “pondlife”. The remarks were caught on tape during an unrelated covert operation investigating corruption. The detective was told that the criminal, with many previous convictions, could have been offended had he heard it. The other officers who were with the detective at the time may also face disciplinary action.
When they have robbed your house, mugged you, conned you and killed you, you’ll be happy to know that their fragile psyches won’t be damaged by police insults.
Political correctness can kiss my arse. Go ahead, make my day. Bring back Dirty Harry.

While on the subject of England, I was watching the whole Sven thing unfold on Sky news last weekend. The weather came up and there was a map of the UK with clouds a-swirling around it and rain a-lashing down and generally ugliness of a meteorological nature.
I watched as the weathergirl (or do I have to say weatherperson?) said there would be rain in eastern Britain and pointed to Anglia. I watched as she said rain in western Britain and pointed to Wales.
But I watched and fumed as she pointed to northern Britain and said there would be rain in Scotland.

In last Sunday’s Sunday Times, Minette Marrin has an article entitled ‘England is waking up to the patriot game.’
In it she discusses Gordon Brown’s ridiculous touting of ‘Britishness’. She writes that Brown “feels a worrying excess of Scottishness, well corroborated in opinion polls” and that it is a “nail-biting” problem for him. She continues “Generally speaking most people in England quite like the Scots, even though they seem to hate us. Surveys show we find their accents suggest intelligence and reliability. Politically speaking, however, this easy affection is disappearing fast, as Brown is well aware. Devolution in Scotland and Wales – fought for and introduced by new Labour – has much undermined our common sense of Britishness and fostered instead a new and rather irritable sense of Englishness in the South. Meanwhile Scots feel more Scottish and less British than at any time since 1707, according to some surveys, led astray, possibly by films such as Braveheart.

More importantly the English public is beginning to sit up and take notice of the famous West Lothian question – the problem first identified by the then MP for West Lothian, that Scottish MP’s at Westminster can vote and carry the Commons on domestic policies such as education and health that don’t affect them or their constituencies. The government has increasingly relied on the Scottish vote to push through purely English legislation, against English votes, and yet the reverse is not true; English MP’s have no say over comparable Scottish affairs.
This is obviously unfair, as is the fact that more taxpayers’ money goes to Scotland, per head, for public services than in England, following the old Barnett formula. Devolution has made this long-standing injustice feel worse.
In response, a feeling of English separatism is growing; the English hardly need Scotland and Wales and would be freer and richer without them”……..…. “so (in order for him to reach his ambition to be PM) Brown has to persuade us somehow that he is not that Scottish at all.
No, he’s British. We’re all British (though this leaves out the question of the Northern Irish who aren’t exactly British.) He might even fly the Union Jack. But these questions are not going to go away”……..”The big ideas of Britishness and national identity are now much too fragile to serve the purposes of an ambitious socialist like Brown. There is some justice in that.”

This dismantling of England by the Scottish Mafia (the G-Man excepted) is so insidious.
And AA Gill, that small man-complexed wannabe Scot writer for the Times, is a cunt. (Excuse my language, I won't call him a man again.) Read any of his articles for proof. In the same vein, I used to really like Jeremy Clarkson, a writer and TV presenter for Top Gear, until I found out they are best friends.
There. Enough said.

Weekend Warrior

2006-01-15T14:47:00.000+02:00

What a good weekend.
The News Of The World must be desperate if they think their "sting operation" on Sven Goran Eriksson was actually news. I've watched it on TV and read about it and still can't find anything that Sven said or did morally or legally wrong. I like to watch the mighty fall just as much as the next news voyeur, but I don't think setting up someone and then carefully editing their words to fit a scandal actually counts as a headline.
On top of it all, why try and bring down the England coach in a World Cup year?
Maybe, juuust maybe, that's what really pisses me off....

Tit-for-tat alive and well and living somewhere near here. To paraphrase Samir Geagea, "if they (the pro-Syrian camp) hold a big demonstration, we'll hold a bigger one."
My dad can beat up your dad.

My lovely Chelsea powered through to a well-deserved win against Sunderland last night. Arjen Robben got himself a ludicrous second yellow card and a sending-off for celebrating his winning goal with the fans. The ref is obviously a closet Arse-nal fan.

That's pretty much it. I've got the Sunday Times AND the Sunday Telegraph to read.
Joy.

Verbal Diary

2006-01-14T12:04:00.000+02:00

Check me out. Over a week with no posting. No particular reason, just wasn't really interested enough by anything to write about it.
I did use the time to read other people's blogs, all the ones on my list and many others, and was quite surprised at how many reasons I saw there are for actually blogging - some do it to vent, some do it for money, some do it in a genuine desire to inform, some are on an ego trip, some are just keeping a journal.
Personally, I do it because a drinking buddy told me I was one of his Pepys.

And now, on to stuff that's been annoying me.
Guest (n.) - One who is a recipient of hospitality at the home or table of another.

Why do we still refer to the Palestinians in Lebanon as guests? Why do they have more weapons and autonomy inside our country than we do? Why do we accept that they be used as another way for Syria to terrorize and intimidate us?
If in any other country foreign guests decided to take potshots at officers of the law in the course of carrying out their duties, those guests' feet wouldn't touch the ground as they were rapidly and very forcefully dealt with, with incarcerations and deportations and other good stuff all round. A spokesman for the Palestinian group said that, apparently, the officers had provoked the gunman - of course they did, they were bill-collecting.
A strong response from the Lebanese government is required.

How can we be expected to have a 'normal' relationship with Syria, as suggested by Saud Prince Saud al-Faisal? Until the truth comes out about the killings and disappearances there can't be any real reconciliation. Draw as many border lines as you like, exchange diplomatic representations and words until you are blue in the face but the underlying problem is still there.
Commissions for Truth and Reconciliation under various names have been put to work in countries from South Africa to Fiji and maybe something along those lines is needed here.

Then I think about it a bit longer and laugh at the thought of any of the main protagonists being honest about anything.

Also, happy thoughts what with the Iranian government pursuing nuclear capabilities. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that a stable, democratic regime run by rational, progressive, liberal technocrats are developing the ability to blow the Middle East back to the Middle Ages.
Although some of you naysayers might say that it would only take a very small explosion to push us back there (and in some aspects you are correct) this does have major repercussions for the rest of the world. If Pakistan, being West-friendly, got busted for disseminating nuclear technology throughout the Islamic world for money, can you imagine what could happen if Iran decided to pass on their know-how or even worse, the finished product, to their allies and protégés?

Gordon Brown thinks we should have a day to celebrate "Britishness". All I really want to say on the matter is this - before being British, I'm English. Can we sort that out first?
I am not spitting on the Union flag, quite the opposite, but there's no way I'm going to celebrate yet another attempt to make England and all that she stands for, irrelevant. While we're on the subject, one of the always brilliant gifts I got from my mam for Christmas was a leather passport cover from Smythson. In black leather, it has embossed on the top front "United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland". The wonderfully cheeky part was the 3 lions covering the rest of it.

Oh crap, there's that warm, fuzzy feeling again. Have a good weekend.

Take 3

2006-01-05T11:54:00.000+02:00

The second Khaddam interview was mysteriously postponed yesterday. It was supposed to air around 9pm last night but there was nothing. An "informed source in Beirut" said that it was only postponed for 24 hours but I have heard another reason which seems to make sense.
Khaddam has obviously had his diplomatic passport revoked and as a result, he has no status in Paris. One way he could sidestep this problem would be to declare political persecution and request political asylum in France. The most important factor in being accepted as a political refugee is that you refrain from making any political comments at all - hence the sudden disappearance of the interview.
If true, this is another problem that needs resolving because I think Chirac, just as much as the rest of us, wants to hear him speak publicly for posterity about the crimes committed by the Assad regime.

In other news, Ariel Sharon, the Israeli PM is in intensive care after suffering a massive stroke. I have already heard rumours from friends who claim they heard on the radio that he was dead but I have been unable to find anything in the mainstream media. I'll update if anything changes.

Jack Straw visited Lebanon yesterday and met with PM Saniora but snubbed Lahoud. Nice. Not a big fan of Straw's, but that was nice.

And on a final note, I think that after the flop of his last film, Jim Carrey has had a career change and is moving to Stamford Bridge to play with my lovely Chelsea under the unlikely name of Maniche (he also does a great Portuguese accent - uncanny!). He should bring a smile to any midfield.

Enjoy.

Take 2

2006-01-04T13:26:00.001+02:00

Update - I fixed the link...thanks for the emails!

Look forward to some more comments from our friendly, neighbourhood Syrian whistleblower ex-VP Khaddam on TV tonight. Despite all of your disbelief, it seems that there is still more dirt to dish on the Assad-run regime.
Rustom Ghazali had his 15 minutes of fame yesterday on TV when he declared that he would "step down and even die as a martyr if his leadership wanted."
Martyr? Did he really say martyr? Man, them's some big balls.

It is also looking more likely that Khaddam will somehow present himself as an alternative for leadership in Syria when Assad & his thugs are forced to pack their bags and run for the hills. Unfortunately, Khaddam's 30-something years as a top Baathist architect in the Syrian government only prepared him to be Assad Lite at best. Democracy doesn't become your 'thing' in a lightning bolt in the way, say, religion (or for that matter, lightning itself) supposedly can.
Anyway, to quote Yoda, "interesting still may this become."

Quiet week so far. Enjoy.

Taking A Baath

2006-01-02T10:57:00.000+02:00

Happy New Year everyone.

Ex-Syrian vice-president Abdel Halim Khaddam must be really gutted that the ruling Syrian Baath party has expelled him. Not only that, the Syrian "Parliament" has voted (unanimously, no less) to have him tried for treason and also, from an irony-free zone, corruption. I bet he didn't see that coming.

The UN Hariri probe team will now ask to interview Syrian President Bashar Assad as well as his Foreign Minister Farouk al-Sharaa following Khaddam's explosive TV interview. It's incredible how the most damning of evidence comes from the centre of the viper's nest when even up until a few days ago we were wondering if the Hariri probe would regain its former impetus. An interesting tidbit from BBC news stated that Khaddam had been in Paris with his family since June, when he quit his post very quietly.

I think Khaddam's main worry now is not to commit suicide, which I imagine is easier in Paris than downtown Damascus.

President Lahoud is now claiming that he and Rafic Hariri were the best of friends. Well, not exactly those words....what he actually said was that he had "a respectful and positive relationship" with ex-PM Hariri, but coming from him it, you have to admit that it sounds as ludicrous as my interpretation.

Now that the Syrian regime is scrambling to retain some semblance of credibility, the coming week should provide moments of hilarity, absurdity and good old Soviet-style propaganda. Let's just hope that no one decent has to die violently because of it. Keeping my fingers crossed seems to be as effective a deterrent as any.

The New Year celebrations around the country were suitably muted. I had a great time and even (against all of my BEST efforts) awoke on January 1st without an accompanying hangover. I'm not sure whether to feel proud or disappointed in myself. That day also contained a full English and builder's tea - later on a 10 litre keg of beer was tapped and and left a lot lighter than it was when opened. Good times, good times.

My lovely Chelsea play today against West Ham, Frank Lampard and Joe Cole's former team. Frankie has asked the Hammers' fans to respect him and not boo but I don't think that's going to help much. If you gave up a player who went on to become England's finest with London's finest, you'd boo hoo too.
Another thing to look forward to - my horoscope says that my self-confidence will today attract members of the opposite sex in bewildering numbers. A quick check on the meaning of bewildering: to cause one to lose one's bearings; to disorient.
Zero is a number, right? Man, I'm lost.

Farris Hassan is back home finally. The American 16-year old went to Iraq apparently inspired by a course in immersion journalism without telling anyone. He managed to get to Baghdad and stay in a hotel used by Westerners where presumably he cacked himself for a week.
Idiot.
Him and anyone who says he was brave and adventurous.
Not every growth experience should require the services of the 101st Airborne Division.

Have a good one.

Another Bombshell

2005-12-31T10:22:00.000+02:00

Yesterday Abdel-Halim Khaddam,

Syria

's former vice-president all but pointed the finger at Bashar Assad for the murder of Rafik Hariri. He stated in an interview last night on Al-Arabiya television that Assad and his intelligence officers had "openly & repeatedly threatened to crush" former Prime Minister Hariri well before his February 14th assassination.
When asked if a Syrian security unit could have been behind the murder without Assad's knowledge, Khaddam replied "Impossible in

Syria

- Assad is an absolute authoritarian."

Khaddam ain't no angel despite the urge to see him as an ally after this bloodletting. Even though he claims that he advised Hariri that "the Damascene mood was unfavourable and that he should resign the premiership and leave

Lebanon

" Khaddam is anti-Assad, not pro-Lebanon. What a guy. He goes on to say that Lahoud and his inner circle poisoned Assad's mind against Hariri with disinformation.
He seems to be positioning himself to be a candidate for the top Syrian seat when it becomes available. Just remember that "I was only following orders" has been refuted as an excuse since Nuremberg.

Nice to see the regime start to collapse one strut at a time. Maybe all the inner circle, current and former, would tell the truth if they lived in luxury in Paris.

Now is a good time for President Lahoud to make an executive decision popular with everyone and step down. Just how far removed from reality is he if he can't (or won't) even gauge an overwhelming public opinion?

(Cue Star Wars' theme and......fade).

New Year's Heave

2005-12-31T09:17:00.000+02:00

Good morning all. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas holidays and are looking forward to the New Year's celebrations. They seem to be a bit subdued for obvious reasons with so many people opting to stay home this year.

Thankfully, not a lot of anything newsworthy happened over the Christmas week. The Pope used his first Christmas address to ask for peace in the Middle East and the Holy Land – I guess that’s a good thing really, although its effectiveness is somewhat dubious. No harm in asking though.

The old joke says it all where God has come to Earth to grant a child from each country a wish. Each kid asks for impossible things, like mountains made of sweets or the ability to become invisible and each time He granted their crazy wishes, God laughed.
He got to the Lebanese child and asked what his wish was. The child said “Peace in the Middle East.”
And God cried.

Christmas Day at our place was bustling. Two turkeys went under the knife washed down with copious amounts of the grape. My highlight was sitting on the end of Skye’s bed on Christmas Eve while her mam told her a bedtime story and her dad was prancing about outside her bedroom window with Christmas bells, pretending to be Santa on his way to work. The look on her face was priceless, but even more amusing to me was the thought of The Dude jumping around outside in the freezing, pouring rain trying to get some sort of reindeer rhythm going. It really gets a lot more Python-esque in my head the more I think of it.

And here we are at the weekend again, 2006 mere hours away. The best part of the week was that there were 2 games for my lovely Chelsea and 2 Chelsea wins. I missed them both times (circumstances beyond my control) but I shan't be letting them out of my sight this coming week.
Can't think of any New Year's resolutions that I haven't made and broken before so I'll promise nothing and be pleasantly surprised if anything good does come about. Don't even know what I'm gonna be doing tonight - I'd like to be tucked up in bed with a good book come midnight, but failing that I'd like to be holding an economy-sized cocktail and covered in confetti, glitter and raunchy women wearing nothing but party hats and smiles.

But hey, that's just me. Have a great New Year's Eve.

St. George Is Cross

2005-12-23T18:11:00.000+02:00

What is it with the sour grapes whenever England does well? When an English restaurant was voted the best in the world by a prestigious 'foodie' magazine, the French and Italians went off in spasms about it. Our winning the Webb Ellis trophy made France, Wales, Ireland & Scotland collectively shudder as we became the first Northern Hemisphere country to do it.
Now even our winning the vote to host the Olympic Games for 2012 has been called a "voting error".
God knows what's going to happen when we bring home the World Cup next year.

Reading Grocer Jack's post about being English set me to thinking. It's true that we seem almost apologetic for being who we are. The weight of our history seems to have made us overly PC when in all reality, we have more to be proud of than ashamed of. Why do the Welsh celebrate St. David's day, the Scots St. Andrew's day, the Irish St. Patrick's day yet most English don't even know when St. George's Day is? It's April 23rd, FYI.
My ma told me that when she was a lass, St. George's Day was a day off of school, Church service and all the rest. What happened? Here in Lebanon, MacDara last year flew in an Irish band to play in the Irish pub he had appropriated for St. Paddy's.

The only time I'm able to flaunt my Englishness is when England are playing an international match of some sort - but, even though the flag sellers here have now started to set up shop in preparation for next year's World Cup, you cannot find a St. George's flag. Every other country under the sun has their flag on sale here except England....what's up with that? Go to the pub here to watch any international football match and you'll find there are Lebanese fans wearing the kit - Italy, Brazil, Germany, France, Spain, you name it, there will be someone wearing it.

Except for England. Only the English will be wearing the England shirts.

Now, it could be argued that it's the quality of our game that puts people off but those same fans wearing other countries' colours are wearing Premier League team shirts in regular season. In reality, it's the skewed perception of what it means to be English.

To quote GJ directly "It isn’t racist to declare your Scots heritage, nor your French, Spanish or whatever. However, being English seems to be associated to neo-nazi, Little Englander, racist thuggery."

Anyway, check out the Witanagemot Club website for more.
It's where the title of this post came from.

Broadly speaking, the Lebanese are multilingual and have no problem conversing in Arabic, French or English, or for that matter, a mix of all three. One thing that really annoys me is when non-Lebanese hear us speaking and automatically assume that we are snobs with no sense of identity. That is not an identity crisis - that is part of being Lebanese.

Words in other languages sometimes convey an idea better than the words in one's own language. Just look at English for examples - what is the English word for façade? Zeitgeist? Chef? Adieu? Cul de sac? Faux pas? Deja vu? There are translations but they are clumsy and never used.

I know some bright spark will chirp up with the fact that hello doesn't need to be said in 3 languages (Hi, kifak? Ça va?) at the same time, but most of the time that has nothing to do with pretence, merely a need to fill up the greeting! In English you can say 'hello' and it's over - in French, a quick 'bonjour' or 'Ça va?' and you're on your way. In Arabic, you're not getting away with that...even the quickest greeting has at least 2 or 3 back-and-forths.
Basing the analysis of an entire population on use of languages is not only lazy but also shortsighted and frankly, offensive.
There, it's out & I feel much better.

Nice to see the Cabinet meeting managed to take place despite the absence of the Shiite MP's.
Phew.

On that note, I shall take a couple day's leave for obvious reasons and see you (hopefully) on Monday.
Merry Christmas to you all, enjoy your weekend.

Al Moghtarebeen

2005-12-23T12:43:00.000+02:00

To Lebanese Bloggers in the blogosphere, please post this article on your blogs to spread the word about this upcoming summer event.

Established in 2005 in the United States, Lebanon Expats and Moghtarebeen.com are the voice of Lebanese scholars, businessmen and professionals living abroad. Their mission is to promote the powerful presence of the Lebanese abroad by carrying on social activities that will improve standards of living, and economical activities that will create job opportunities in Lebanon.

This article is addressed to you from your brothers and sisters from around the world. We, the Lebanese abroad, have a very strong voice and we are taking action. You are not alone because the tragic events taking place in our beloved country have united us globally. The murder of our leaders, fathers, brothers and sisters are bring us closer together.

Al Moghtarebeen is planning to gather this summer in Beirut to show support for our people in Lebanon and to show the world that the millions of Lebanese abroad will not stand by watching all the tragedies unfold. We plan to travel in large numbers from different parts of the world to be there in Beirut and show everyone that we, the Lebanese--Muslims, Christians, Druze, and whatever else we believe in--are united in the name of our country, Lebanon.

We need the support of groups and organizations in Lebanon and around the world to make this event an unparalleled success and show the world who we are. We are a young group, born after the murder of Mr. Hariri and kept growing with the successive murders, the most recent of which was that of Mr. Tueni.

To all Lebanese groups, to An-Nahar and all media, ministries, embassies, universities, to Mr. Saniora, Mr. Jumblat, Mr. Berri, Mr. Hariri, Mr. Michel Aoun, Mrs. Setrida Geagea, Mr. Mohammad Fneich, and all Lebanese around the world, let us unite and work together to show the world that we are one.

Please check out our website at www.moghtarebeen.com – let us work together in support of Lebanon.

Blackout

2005-12-20T11:37:00.001+02:00

It's nice to be back after a week of self-enforced semi silence. The past week's events made sure that there would be no pleasure in blogging for me - I didn't want to talk politics or read politics or hear politics and writing about anything else not only didn't inspire me, but seemed a tad crass. I also didn't read any of my fellow bloggers' pages for the same reasons, so my excuses to them as I have missed catching up, but on the plus side I do have a wealth of information to look forward to reading now.

Top 3 happenings for lifting me out of my funk this week are:

The seasonal return of Lindsay, Allegra & the Dude.
The uplifting scenes of Chelsea beating Arsenal 2-0 AT Highbury in a league match for the first time in 15 years. Of course, if I wanted to be generous I would say that the score should have been 2-1 but due to an acknowledged refereeing error, it wasn't. But it is Arsenal, so in all magnanimity, fuck 'em.
I enjoyed my first proper lamb roast of the year with yorkies, roast potatoes and all the trimmings.....all hail Ma!! This followed the Chelsea match...does it get any better?

In Lebanon today..... *YAWN*. Sorry, can't do it.

Oh wait, yes I can. Where do the grumbling Shiite members of Parliament get the arrogance to think that the country should bend to their will? Despite the fact that, to quote LP, "Hezbollah thrives on instability", how dare they still support the Syrian regime's stance and spew the same vile rhetoric and make ridiculous demands? The world points its finger in accusation for the killings in Lebanon and yet still Hezbollah refuses to acknowledge the will of the majority of the Lebanese people.
To add insult to injury, President Lahoud has refused to head Thursday's Cabinet session if the Shiite boycott continues - did everyone receive the same script?

"Why would we be part of this government if the policy is 'agree with what we say or we will have a majority vote?' This is an equation we refuse," said Hassan Fadlallah, Hezbollah MP.

Why? It's simple. The Lebanese Constitution states that the Cabinet makes its decisions by consensus which gives everyone a chance to air their views and grievances and discuss. The Constitution goes on to say that "if a consensus is not reached, the Cabinet then makes decisions by vote of the majority of attending members. When basic national issues are being decided, the required approval is that of two-thirds of the members of the council named in the Decree forming the Cabinet."

This allows the government to function even when certain parties try to hold it hostage. It's called a democracy - try one, you'll like it.

On a completely different tack (although one just as dear to me), what happened to the Champion's League draw? My lovely Chelsea drew Barcelona for the knockout stages, Bayern got AC Milan, Arse-nal will enjoy Real Madrid and LiverPoo go head-to-head against......Benfica?
UEFA, if you love them so much, just give them the cup already.
At least the knockouts will be hugely entertaining as long as you're not a Benfica fan.

Oh well, I'm going to go and do something constructive.

Zzzzzzzz

The Politics Of Fear

2005-12-13T10:03:00.000+02:00

The killing of Gebran Tueni is yet another outrage against our nation's right to live in peace and freedom, an outrage against every human being's right to think, speak and live freely.

The impunity enjoyed by these murderers is sickening. What's even worse is the celebration by certain members of Hezballah of the assassination of a fellow Lebanese and then the walking out of Parliament when it came time to discuss the matter. How much longer can the majority of the country take them seriously as a political force when they don't play the game if they can't bring their own ball? It doesn't matter - there is a majority without them and a strong decision needs to be taken. The Cabinet needs to show strength of purpose and courage - we are all afraid, but our government has to lead the way because courage is not the absence of fear but the continuing despite its presence.

Another political assassination, another chance for some deranged copywriter somewhere to come up with another ludicrous name for the previously unheard of "group" that supposedly carried out the killing. The finger can only be pointed in one direction despite the usual indignant claims of innocence and cries of perfidy - to quote Jimmy Cliff, mon, "the harder they come, the harder they fall."
We need a lot more than simple moral outrage. We need a long memory and the energy and focus to not let this be swept under the carpet. (How is the investigation into Samir Kassir's assassination going? George Hawi's?)
Is there going to be a monstrous act such as this every time Syria comes under heavier international scrutiny, to divert everyone's attention away from the matter at hand? The new Mehlis report reinforces the blame directed at Syria for the assassination of Rafic Hariri, but in the wake of the Gebran Tueni murder this has not received the media attention it deserved.

Admittedly, in a psychotic parallel world where killers have PR agents, this would be considered a coup.

Murder, Inc.

2005-12-12T11:05:00.000+02:00

Gebran Tueni has become the latest assassination victim on Lebanon's tottering path to freedom. Yet another car bomb exploded as he drove past it on the Mkalles road, just outside Beirut. Details are still a little sketchy but it seems to have been a powerful explosion, ironically near Monteverde where the UN Hariri investigation team have their HQ.
A vociferous anti-Syria campaigner, MP and editor-in-chief of the An-Nahar newspaper, Tueni was under no impressions that he was just as much a target as anyone else involved in the March 14 uprising and had only recently returned to Lebanon (some say as recently as yesterday) with his wife and baby twins from Paris, where they had been staying due to security concerns.
It seems that the attackers feel they have nothing to lose and that only spells disaster for Lebanon.

Full Circle

2005-12-10T09:55:00.000+02:00

Back again at long last, although nowhere near long enough. London was freezing cold, wet and mostly grey and I loved every second of it. The Chelsea game was great even though there were no goals scored - the atmosphere was fantastic and even the line of policemen and stewards between us and the Pool fans did nothing to dampen the fun (or the stream of abuse volleyed from both sides). It is quite impressive to hear 3000 Liverpool fans singing "You'll Never Walk Alone", but not quite as impressive as 45000 Chelsea fans singing "You'll Never Get A Job" in tune and in reply.
The Shed End was as vociferous as ever although alcohol free. I left the Shed Bar to get to my seat early in the hopes of having a few inside before the match but was confronted with fridges full of soft drinks and water with the beer cunningly concealed under a plastic sheet - lest, I assume, we fans are driven wild and insane by the sight of it and decide to storm the coolers. Could happen.

The gang all arrived at various times last Saturday and we all met up in a pub in Soho. Then I came back. I'm sure the memories of the times in between going & coming will surface during the next week.

So what's been happening here since I left? The usual crap as far as I can tell following the news from London. I won't post about it now as it is no longer so topical. Except for the mass grave in Anjar, the former Syrian HQ in Lebanon - why is that not front page news still? Horrific, brutal stuff.

Well, it's good to be back in an odd way, and read that how you like.

Have a good weekend.

TGI Almost Time To Go

2005-12-02T11:35:00.000+02:00

It seems that Detlev Mehlis will be leaving the Hariri investigation after its mandate ends on December 15th, whether or not it is extended. Apparently, there are German "political considerations" behind his leaving (read: we don't want our citizens targeted by the investigation's fallout) so it will be interesting to see where the next chief investigator will come from.

Nearing the top of the Syrian-compiled "Dumb & Dumber" list of grievances against Lebanon is a new cracker - floating garbage from the Sidon dump. Watch next week when the culprit will be that funny smell in Dora.

The 'Bad Sex In Fiction' award was given yesterday to Giles Coren. The award itself is pretty self-explanatory but the passages nominated are painful to read. The winning passage is a gargantuan run-on sentence full of punctuation and followed by the two word sentence "Like Zorro'. Brilliant.

Air ticket? Check.
Match ticket? Check.
Beer money? Check.
Now I'm ready to leave for a few days, so if there's anything you need from London, now might be the time to ask. Updates may be few and far between but I'll try and let you know how it's going. What started as a humble football trip has turned into a reunion of sorts with people flying in from all over the place - not planned really, just a serendipitous turn of events (and a bit of schedule juggling...). The usual suspects are going - the G-Man, Tony Soprano, as is The Dude and we may be graced by the appearance of Kenny Rogers with a cameo from Ginge. Vast quantities of alcohol will be consumed and a lot of bollocks will be talked.
Now honestly, what more could a man want?

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?

2005-11-29T19:36:00.000+02:00

A friend of mine has a 6 year old son that begged for a puppy for the longest time. They eventually bought him a beautiful labrador puppy and after the initial time it took them to get used to each other, the boy would take the puppy everywhere. One day, not too long ago, I was at their house watching a game and having some lunch when we heard this muffled yelp. We went to his son's room and asked what happened....."we were just playing" was the kid's reply as he lovingly stroked his pet.
We heard a couple more yelps after that, went in, asked the same question and predictably, got the same answer - and all the while we're there, he's petting the puppy. His dad told him to cut it out or the dog would be sitting with us in the other room.
"No, no" says his son, "we'll be quiet."
We shut the door but left a little crack open so we could watch and unbelievably, the kid was tormenting the dog, pinching it and making it squeal but as soon as we walked in he would pet it as though he loved it. Thankfully he finally got caught out and I'm glad I'm not the one to have to deal with those issues.
My point is that this story has so much in common with the new Syrian pirouette stance on Lebanon. I think you can match up the protagonists. Even the guy in the photo behind Saniora & Sharaa looks sceptical.

Also in the news is a mysterious masked witness that Syria has claimed was bribed into blah, blah, blah.....

Oh, by the way, the brat has not been allowed near another animal since.

Moving Along

2005-11-27T09:54:00.000+02:00

Syria has decided to co-operate with the Mehlis investigation and send the ~~six~~ five senior officers to Vienna to be questioned. It appears that the one not going is Assad's brother-in-law. Interesting to note that the guarantee given to Syria by the Russian mediators (the former Soviet Union was Syria's major ally and armaments supplier) that if found guilty, the officers would not be arrested outside Syria, was considered an issue of sovereignty by the Syrian regime.
On a parallel track, a witness in the assassination of Hariri died mysteriously in a car accident. Considering our driving methods, you know it's serious when the Lebanese press call it mysterious.

Also, in an "intelligence" coup, Syria's official mouthpiece Ath-Thawra declared that there are 400 Mossad spies in Lebanon and that "these agents are encircling Lebanon like a belt and will explode when Israel and her strategic ally, the United States, have decided."
Exactly 400.

I would like to extend promised regrets (but short of an apology) to coolhoor for calling his team LiverPoo and promise not to call LiverPoo LiverPoo again. At least, not until LiverPoo's next game. My lovely Chelsea are back on form with a 2-0 win at Portsmouth and Frank Lampard set a new record.

And look how scary this is..... the American Taliban.

Bested

2005-11-26T13:10:00.000+02:00

George Best died yesterday. In these days of football superstardom it's easy to forget the man who Pele once famously called "the greatest footballer in the world". As kids growing up in the UK, it was George Best we all wanted to be. He battled his demons for many years but they eventually beat him. A minute's silence will be observed before all matches this weekend. Unexpectedly, his death at 59 made me very sad.
Goodbye Georgie.

Flying High

2005-11-24T10:23:00.000+02:00

May Chidiac, the LBC journalist and anchor, went back on TV last night just a couple of months after she survived an assassination attempt by car bomb. She lost part of an arm and a leg in the attempt (the reasons for which are still quite puzzling) and was on TV to say that she would return to work as soon as she is able. I admire her courage.

I'm currently inquiring into the sport of paragliding. I'm doing this because I would like to know if you have to have the IQ of a boiled potato to be allowed to practice it. An Israeli civilian was blown off course to Southern Lebanon (Hezbollah country!) while paragliding in Northern Israel. How much fun could it be to fly over a war zone dangling from a few strings and a nylon handkerchief? I know it's a dangerous sport but I'm sure they don't have "escaping Hezbollah and running through a minefield" on the waiver form anywhere else. Maybe it was a dare.

I was going to comment on the dropping of leaflets over Lebanon by Israel but I think The Beirut Spring sums it up nicely here.

My lovely Chelsea won 2-0 in an uninspired game last night against Anderlecht. We now go through to the knockout stages along with Arse-nal & LiverPoo. I wonder if Manure FC (hat tip: Grocer Jack) will make it through. I know it's childish to amend names in that way, but not only does it amuse me, it feels good too. I'm 12.

Christmas has whizzed around again but this time I saw it coming. The trick is not to let it sneak up on you and this year I'm planning on buying gifts early, which is not like me at all. This time I'm going to wander through the shops in London with a little Moleskine and carefully purchase and tick off the gifts with great care - providing, of course, that a). It doesn't interfere with my preparations for the Chelsea game, and b). It doesn't interfere with anything else I want to do. So I'll probably end up rushing around ABC on Christmas Eve panicking like a paraglider, begging shops to stay open just long enough for me to buy that classy painting on velvet.

See ya.

Zero Hour

2005-11-23T10:57:00.000+02:00

So it turns out that Hezbollah actually wanted to kidnap an Israeli tank and crew and display them during Lebanon's Independence Day festivities. From what I understand, they sent in a kidnap team on motorcycles rather like Command & Conquer which is really quite cool.....in a computer game.
Unfortunately, in the real world it's an exercise in futility and just makes us look like another crap banana republic. Imagine if they had succeeded in kidnapping them - do you think the Israeli Army would just let that happen again? Would that be protecting us?
In his inspiring speech yesterday, President Lahoud said that our collective mind has been twisted and turned by "conspiring nations in the West" and the Zionists and that he had been "wounded by the repeated libel" of those demanding his removal - so most of the the country then.
As if to complete his total isolation from reality, the President's official reception at Baabda Palace was not attended by many politicians and some EU ambassadors, many of them preferring instead to pay their respect at Rafic Hariri's graveside.

Britain has passed a law allowing pubs and other establishments to open way past the current 11pm licensing. Some places even get 24-hour licensing but a lot of people are complaining that this will fill London streets with drunken yobs. As you already know, I have a ticket to see Chelsea take on Liverpool on December 6th and while I am there in London I shall take advantage of this law and let you know if, in fact, it does lead to heavier drinking. No thanks necessary, consider it a public service.

As if on cue, my lovely Chelsea are playing tonight in the Champion's League against Anderlecht in an away game. I would like to say that so far, it's been a good week to be me, but that's just inviting trouble so I'll say nothing.

Have a good Hump Day.

And The Winner Is....

2005-11-22T10:45:00.000+02:00

Happy Independence Day to you all.....and look, I'm not even smirking.

I was woken by the 21-gun salute this morning which normally wouldn't affect me, but in these times it sounded horribly like a large car bomb, along with the rattling windows and sonic wave. It was close by. Before venturing out into the grown-up world I checked my email, scrolling through the bumph and the spam and almost scrolled past the headline "CONGRATULATIONS DESMOND". I checked the sender and it did have Chelsea in the address and so I opened it expecting another newsletter or some such. It was, in fact, a short missive to inform me that I am one of the lucky recipients of a ticket to the Chelsea-Liverpool Champion's League clash on the 6th of December at Stamford Bridge. A long forgotten competition for which I had entered my name never expecting anything as we don't do "winning prizes" in my family. Is there really such a thing as something for nothing? It seems so. I must pack.

My folks came back from Vegas suitably rested and with the requisite stories to tell. I love their traveling faces and moods. You'd be surprised to find out which airline's first class sleepers are better than others! I also spoke to Lindsay, Skye & the Dude who will all be coming back for Christmas.

Hezbollah and Israel are at it again. Rockets fired and all sorts of madness going. Some reports are even claiming that at one point they were going at it "mano a mano".

Sorry it's a bit short but it's a day off for me too....

Tolerance

2005-11-18T10:45:00.000+02:00

The Lebanese Cabinet has decided to subsidize diesel fuel prices and in one fell swoop has neutralized one of Syria's (and Hezbollah's by association) weapons for trying to destabilize the government. Hezbollah, having been silenced first by being given the diesel price dossier (a very Machiavellian move by PM Saniora) and now by the subsidy, have reverted to the same old, tired nagging about Resolution 1559. So much for national unity. Again.

The torture allegations about secret Iraqi prisons where Iraqi citizens are tortured by other Iraqi citizens are being downplayed by the Iraqi government. The prison was discovered by US forces during a raid last Sunday and has created an uproar. A government spokesman was trying desperately to justify the beatings and torture by saying that the people held are "the most dangerous criminals and terrorists" (then he waved a bunch of passports to prove his point....obviously under the section "Occupation" in those passports was written "won't tolerate it"). The US, with not a trace of irony, stated that they "will not tolerate abuse of detainees."

Sony BMG has apologized for using stealth software to stop its CDs being illegally copied. The problem is that the software downloads itself onto your computer without your knowledge deep into the Windows operating system (when will you learn? Use an Apple.). It includes a media player which allows you to play the CD on that computer only - unfortunately it also creates a security hazard...... Major international corporations are so fun to watch when they get caught.
Amazon (we love Amazon!) have offered a full refund to any of their customers who bought one of the "spy" CDs from them. Now that's customer service. My own respect for and loyalty to all things Amazon sprang from an incident a few years back. One of my orders had been 3 months en route from the US to Beirut. I got in touch with Amazon to complain and they said that thay had traced the package to its arrival at Beirut Airport but don't know what happened to it after that. They asked me for an alternate address to resend the package to, preferably outside Lebanon so I gave them the address of a friend in the States who was coming here.
After my friend came with my new order, the old one was delivered as well. I contacted Amazon to say it had arrived & that I would send it back to them and to their eternal credit their reply email said: "Don't worry. Please donate the books and CDs to a local library or school." Brilliant. And yes, I did. Donate, that is, not worry.

And yesterday I had a flashback to my youth. A friend of mine in the UK sent me a gift (thanks Suze!) of a DVD of KISS Live... Back in the late 70's, early 80's I was a Kiss fan - more a Kiss maniac. I loved the music, the shows, the make-up (not actually on myself) and yes, the merchandise. I was totally mad about Kiss and a member of the Kiss Army. My tastes started to mature as I did (especially after the release of Pink Floyd's The Wall and the subsequent release of the movie and the mindblowing concert at Earl's Court) but I still have a soft spot for them and still know the words to all their songs, so this DVD of them was a welcome blast from the past. I wanted to say that they were better times, but were they?

On the subject of large companies, check out Grocer Jack's performance appraisal form for a guide to the way one should be written.

Enjoy your POETS day (hat tip Tony Soprano).

Happy Trails

2005-11-17T12:58:00.000+02:00

I just wanted to wish a bon voyage to fellow blogger and blogfather (and I mean that in the nice way) MacDara and his missus who are back off to the Emerald Isle for a little jaunt. They'll be back here in time for Christmas so if you want your stocking fillers you'd better drop him a line today. Just don't ask him to mail it to you.

Turkey is the latest country to "urge" Syria to comply with the international community. It's a bit rich coming from a country whose own record on human rights and freedoms is a bit suspect, to say the least. Since they are gagging to please the EU, whatever works, I suppose.

Meanwhile, Syria's co-operation with the UN enquiry is turning into a Monty Python script:

UN: "We'll meet in Monteverde."
Syria: "Alright...we'll meet in Cairo."
UN: "No, we said Monteverde."
Syria: "Good, that's decided then. Let's meet iiiiinnn.......Austria?"
UN: "Look, I really don't think you're listening."
Syria: "How dare you say that? I'm agreeing with you. How about Geneva?"
UN: "You're not really taking this seriously..."
Syria: "Oh yeah? Well neither are you. How about Damascus?"
UN: "You're taking the piss now."
Syria: "Yes, I'm sorry, it's been a long week......is the Golan OK?"
UN: "No."
Syria: "Dubai?"
UN: "No"
Syria: "Moscow?"
UN: "No."
Syria: "Libya? Iran? North Korea?"
UN: "I'm leaving." (UN exits stage left...)
Syria: "Whaaaat? What did I say? What?" (Stage empty except for Syria bathed in a really bright spotlight.)

I'm still confused as to how university student elections in Beirut are so important to the rest of us.

Anyway, godspeed, y'all.

Once We Were Heroes

2005-11-16T12:44:00.000+02:00

In the news today are unconfirmed reports that Hezbollah has now firmly nailed its colours to the post by visiting Syria.....to meet with the Iranian Foreign Minister. Not only does it show complete disregard for Lebanon as a nation but also contempt for all other parts of Lebanese society. Nice.

Syria has proven once again how out of touch with reality it is by calling on Lebanese to stage street demonstrations to topple our own PM Seniora. Sorry, but this time round they won't be able to bus in platoons of Syrians to bolster numbers. Just to give you an idea of its charismatic call to arms (and I quote the front page of a local paper - except that the capital letters and italics are my own): "On Friday, DOZENS of Bekaa residents demonstrated to demand the government lower the cost (of diesel fuel) to LL12,000 per 20 liters."
The worst aspect of it is that the Syrian regime still thinks it's OK to intimidate, threaten and bully another sovereign state. Come on now. Just because we got our ball back, doesn't mean you can't play nice.

(As I write this, Australia have just qualified for the World Cup 2006 by eliminating Uruguay on penalties. Good game. Except for Harry Kewell's "hair").

Does the Daily Star really think that a Lebanese teenager qualifying for the World Equestrian Championships rates a six-column article on the inside front page? Ok, congratulations to her, and yes, give it a mention, but how about putting it on the sports pages? It surprises me how a newspaper trying to present itself as serious and authoritative can have such lapses in judgement.
Their web site too shows some strange thinking. The only thing flashing on all of their pages is a link for ringtones and logos. Very classy. I won't even mention the massive banner at the top of the home page asking for money to keep the website functional - isn't that supposed to be paid for by SELLING newspapers? I could understand if you were promoting a news website that wasn't affiliated to any newspaper and needed funds. I mean, the logic should surely run something like this: you sell newspapers, you make money, and with that money you expand to include a web site. You don't sell enough newspapers, then take a hint - nobody is reading it. Before anyone sends me an email denouncing me as a closet Daily Star subscriber, let me tell you that I buy the IHT - the Star comes with it.

Good news is that it poured with rain today. I love it. Seven months of only sunshine can be depressing too.

Have a good Hump Day.

3 Pints & A Packet Of Crisps, Please

2005-11-15T12:42:00.000+02:00

In the UK, they are trying to pass a law which would allow pubs to stay open 24 hours. Many think that this is disgraceful and that keeping longer licensing hours would mean more alcohol abuse, but personally I think it would cut down on binge drinking. I think this because if someone gives you a deadline by which you have to stop doing something you like, you will intensify your efforts to do as much of it as you can before the curfew. This remains true for absolutely anything.
I've been in pubs with friends and having a chat and a laugh when all of a sudden the last orders bell rings and there is a stampede of people (occasionally myself among them, ahem..) ordering 3 or 4 drinks each and then having to neck them in about 10 minutes, hence the binge-drinking. If you don't finish by drinking up time you just get thrown out and your drink taken away. I go to the pub to see my friends and catch up and I certainly don't count how many drinks I'm having - this doesn't mean I go out with the sole aim of getting drunk, but a good buzz as a side effect is always a plus! Most people know when they've had enough and have the sense to stop or leave. The ones that don't aren't really going to be affected one way or the other by what time the pub closes. There IS such a thing as responsible drinking.
A drinking culture exists in Britain and Ireland. The pub is the centre of the social universe. The pub is where we meet our friends, a rendez-vous point. It's where you go for "one for the road" after work. It's a place you can go to any time of the day and sit quietly and read your paper or get loud and rowdy if you prefer. It's the alcoholic equivalent of the coffee shop only slightly smokier. Except in Ireland.
Anyway, the new campaign warning of drunk & disorderly spot fines in the UK are pretty graphic, with one of the posters showing the fine amount elegantly spelled out in vomit. Nice touch. Bloody yobs.

Another nice touch is that in a small corner of the newspaper today it is being reported that the fine, ethically-minded inmates of Damascus' main jail are going on a 3-day hunger strike to protest the "unfair pressure" being put on Syria by the international community. Yes, you did read that correctly and I'm still looking for my "What the fuck?" section in which to file it.

Personally, I'm on cruise control waiting for Saturday to roll around bringing with it more Premiership fun. My lovely Chelsea go up against Newcastle and if we lose that, we have some 'splainin' to do....

*hic*

Primus Inter Pares

2005-11-14T11:19:00.000+02:00

Good morning all. Normally, I hate Mondays for no apparent reason. Sometimes I hate them almost as if they were a person - but not this Monday. You see, this Monday is a fine day to be a fan. That is to say, a sports fan....and to be specific, an England sports fan. This past weekend has made all England fans proud in all the major English sports - football, rugby and cricket.
In football we beat Argentina in a "friendly" match; in rugby, we beat our old nemesis Australia and in cricket we've taken control against Pakistan.
The football was a sublime showing of latent talent (finally) against the world number 2. On the field the English players were courteous, sportsmanlike and quite frankly, up for it. Even Wayne Rooney didn't lose his cool for a moment. A goal from him and 2 from Michael Owen have kept this grin on my face all weekend long. Well done. I sound fairly restrained but I'm actually deliriously happy and even a grinding, celebratory hangover on Sunday morning didn't dampen my enthusiasm. And against Australia....well, even though the Aussies are having their worst showing for years it still feels good to beat them and even better to see that after all we do have a rugby team again.

Sunday was the annual service of remembrance in London when tribute is paid to the British & Commonwealth war dead. It's always a moving ceremony. A nice addition this year were 20 war veterans who used semaphore to send a secret, silent message along the Thames from Greenwich to Whitehall where it was symbolically decoded. It read: "War turns us to stone. In remembrance we shine and rise to new days".

Also on Sunday was the Beirut International Marathon. 17,000 people turned out for that so it seems to be a success. One of the reasons I was quite impressed with it was that the police actually did their job. My street in Gemmayze was cleared of cars the night before, even though it is full of bars and restaurants, and kept clear politely but firmly (plus last year it was resurfaced beautifully a few days before the event). So it seems to me that our police force are capable of doing whatever tasks need to be done as long as they have the management and leadership. It needles me a bit to see that when it comes to projecting a nice, orderly image to the world we can surpass anyone but when it comes to actually doing something of substance for ourselves we mainly fail miserably. The capability seems to be there, just not the will.

A failed suicide bomber from the attacks in Amman was caught and paraded on Jordanian TV over the weekend. What struck me was that she didn't come across as a raving, fanatical religious extremist. She was a dreary, cold hearted, hatchet-faced woman who nonetheless was able to describe the target as being full of children and women and still be able to try and detonate her bomb belt. No remorse and no emotion.

Have a good start to the week.

Say What?

2005-11-11T10:49:00.000+02:00

Well, what a nice couple of days. First the horrific bombings in Amman and then Assad's speech. The former I can't understand and the latter sounded like bravado - like whistling in a graveyard.

For all intents and purposes Assad told the UN and the international community to get the hell outta Dodge. Lovely. That at least calmed some fears that he may go on the offensive. Then he goes on to call our PM Siniora a slave - good, diplomatic language. He's not exactly going out of his way to avoid trouble, is he? Of course the crowning glory of it all is that according to him, Lebanon, the tiny neighbour the Assad regime brutally occupied for 30 years, is responsible for all their woes. And so they stir up more unrest in Lebanon through their thugs. As Parliament yesterday started to discuss the Assad speech, Amal and Hezbollah MP's decided to WALK OUT of the session - again mature, confidence-inspiring reactions. They had to leave because effectively they can't say a thing without conferring with their masters - when something impromptu happens they don't know where they stand.
This does not bode well. Let's hope the international community follows through with its demands and doesn't leave us hanging.

As for the mindless bombings in Amman, well.... major international hotels are well-known hotbeds of western proselytizing, especially when they play host to Jordanian wedding parties. I still can't get my head round the reasons given by terrorists for doing what they do.

I'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms from my lovely Chelsea not playing for another week although I'm hoping tomorrow's friendly against Argentina will give me something to gloat about for a week. I'm also pleased to see that the apparent bust up between Mourinho and Crespo was all a load of cobblers. Where Drogba's muscle doesn't work, Crespo's flair will. Bring on Newcastle.

Enjoy your weekend.

Health & Safety

2005-11-08T11:17:00.000+02:00

G'morning all. In the paper today was an article about how the Syrian investigation into the Hariri assassination is proceeding. More lip service being paid to the rest of the world. I love to read these articles for the sheer irony of them and I refuse to believe that the reporter who filed it didn't snigger as he clicked 'save'. The presiding Syrian judge said "we will respect the absolute secrecy and safety of our witnesses."
Now, maybe I'm getting too involved in the minutae of it all or maybe it was a mistake in translation but instead of "respect" she could have said "guarantee" or "ensure" or any other word which would inspire confidence and a feeling of safety. Yeah, makes me want to come forward and tell all....
Please read the Lebanese Political Journal - well written and thought-provoking and the comments are always intelligent and entertaining. You don't have to be heavily into politics to enjoy it.

In other news, I have the flu. Or maybe it's a cold. If I start to chirp or feel that I won't be migrating this winter, I will let you know.

Enjoy your Tuesday as I have to go and start warming up for the England-Argentina "friendly" on Saturday. Oxymoron. Honestly, as if a football match between those two countries could ever be classified as friendly, amicable or even respectful. They are going to play in Geneva, I assume to reinforce the friendly aspect.

Face Value

2005-11-07T11:07:00.000+02:00

Well, my face is red. I recently commented that Mr. Phil Collins is a has-been and since then, I have been thoroughly and irrefutably proved wrong. Saturday night's concert was brilliant. He started off by proving that he was still the drummer he always was and never let up from there. Not a song was played that everyone couldn't mumble along to. He was the consummate showman, showed a great sense of humour and even made the (not inconsiderable) effort to say more in Arabic than the requisite "Marhaba" (hello) and "Shukran" (thank you), and thanked the Lebanese for their friendship and hospitality (although that was probably the rock tour equivalent of "Hey (insert city name here), we love you...... You ROCK!!!") I imagine the Turks had heard the same a couple of days before - but I digress.
He was brilliant. I take back anything bad I said about him and put forth my abject apologies. I'm sorry. There Mac, I did it. But I still mean it about everyone else I mentioned....

Of course, not everything was well with my concert experience, but that had nothing with Mr. Collins nor his formidable band. As Sartre said, "Hell is other people"
I make the same mistake every time there's a show, thinking that the most expensive seats are the better ones. As far as the view goes they are, but for concert experience they leave a lot to be desired. The couple in front of me, in their 40's, spent the whole time looking behind them and waving to their friends. Not before the show, but during it. Yes. It was quite disconcerting to have the guy immediately in front of me seemingly stare at me way too often. I could see most of the other people (dressed in their finest) around the VIP section wondering who the hell this Paul Collings is and what he plays....
All the fun was happening behind us, the dancing, the clapping, the whooping and shouting, even a couple of catfights, according to MacDara & the G-Man.
The thing is that, generally speaking, the people who buy VIP tickets (a real misnomer) don't really give a monkey's about who's performing, they just want to see and be seen, and have a cushion chucked on their seats. The real fans who can't pony up $200 a ticket are moved back and the fun part with them. From now on organizers should put the VIP section in the back or even the car park and put fans up front. Of course, failing that, they might want to put ticket prices in line with reality.

On an altogether more depressing note, Manchester United ended my lovely Chelsea's 40-game winning streak with a 1-0 defeat at Old Trafford. They deserved the win and that's all I'm going to say. Except something about them winning battles, not wars. Or maybe that we're still top of the league and staying there. And yes, blue is still the colour. But that's all.
Plenty of football and rugby this month so I shall be glued to the screen in a nice way.

Alright, back to Monday. See ya.

Time for a Quickie

2005-11-05T11:32:00.001+02:00

Just a quickie before the weekend starts for me. It's Phil Collins tonight and I'm actually quite excited about it. I'm also quite embarrassed about saying that.
The funniest thing I've seen in the past couple of days is a webcam that Belgian Koen Bogaert has set up to watch his chickens Thelma & Louise for signs of avian flu. The horrible thing is that I can't stop watching.....

That's pretty much it. Enjoy yours.

One More Night

2005-11-01T16:58:00.000+02:00

I'm going to a Phil Collins concert this Saturday. Normally, a few days before going to any concert I like to listen to a few of the artist's songs just to put myself in the mood. The last time I did this was for Van Morrison a few months ago and that was to listen to his new album before actually seeing him.
Two things happened with Phil Collins:
1- I realised that the only song I have of his is "In The Air Tonight"
2- I realised that nobody above the age of 30 needs to own a song by Phil Collins. I know this because I can name AND sing a decent version of all of his post-Genesis songs and I'm well over 30.

This came to me as quite a shock because I am really not a Phil Collins fan. I don't even think that Phil Collins' music is all that.....but I seem to have absorbed every musical note of his through some perverse kind of melodic osmosis. At one point, he was on every airwave that was broadcast, every song he wrote went to number one.....hell, even the songs he just thought about went to number one.
He did Live Aid. Twice. And now, against all odds, he's coming to Beirut.

Now, I know we like to think that our country has some irresistable artistic attraction to superstars but personally (and Rolling Stone can quote me), I think that coming here to perform is a sure sign that you're a has-been.
Deep Purple, The Scorpions, Sting, Elton John, ELO, Roger Waters, Brian Ferry, Placebo...... am I forgetting anyone? I excluded Joe Cocker out of adoration and James Brown out of respect, but apart from them that list looks a little....ummm....has-been. Of course, some of them were a few years ago but at the time they were here, their has-been quotient (which I like to call "the BIEL factor"- after the name of the arena) was already peaking.

I don't know whether I should commend him on his strength of purpose for not cancelling during the past couple of months, or commiserate with him on the decline of his career but either way, I'm going to see him and I'll probably have a good time. Besides, I'm secretly hoping he'll do "Follow You, Follow Me". How sad is that?

The Syrian denial at the UN yesterday brought back memories of the barefaced lying of the Soviet Union during the Cold War - happier, simpler times. Besides, any man with such an intricate comb-over can't be trusted.

Off to watch my lovely Chelsea play Real Betis tonight. Maybe another 4-0 thrashing will soothe my tortured soul - that and a lot of beer.

Su-su-ssudio.

Tell me why

2005-10-31T16:29:00.000+02:00

The weekend's over and winter has finally arrived. I can't say I did much this Sunday as on Saturday afternoon I came into possession of a rather large large-screen TV. I went in the morning to get some coffee and fresh bread for breakfast and from the time I got home until late in the evening, I barely moved from the couch. This thing is unbelievable - it has all the bells and whistles and a wireless surround speaker system that has you looking over your shoulder every time it kicks in (but I'm sure I'll get used to that!). I watched every football game I could find, cranking up the volume and almost feeling as if I was there, I threw on DVD's indiscriminately, finding new plot twists and characters in movies I have seen tens of times, it's that clear. I even realised what bad skin the actress who plays Grace in "Will & Grace" has. Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now-Redux is even more menacing than ever and as for Robert Duvall....well.....it's true, Charlie don't surf....
I got online to see what was happening on the news and found myself going back to my TV for confirmation, because hey, if it ain't on my TV, it probably ain't happening. There might be more to life than this, but at the moment I'm not interested.

Syria has agreed to open its own investigation into the Hariri assassination. I know, I laughed as well.
And since we're doing jokes, here's a revival of one of my favourites:
A guy goes backstage at a club in Vegas before a Frank Sinatra show and gets in to see the man.
He says, "Mr. Sinatra, my name is John & I'm at table 7 outside with my girlfriend who is your biggest fan. The thing is that I want to ask her to marry me tonight and if you could possibly swing by my table and act as if you know me, she would surely say yes immediately"
Ol' Blue Eyes, being the supreme gentleman, agrees.
After the show, Frank wanders through the tables nodding and smiling at people until he gets to table 7. He beams, smiles at the fiancee, puts his hands on the man's shoulders and says, "John, buddy, long time no see! How've you been?"
John looks up and says, "Fuck off, Frank, I'm busy."

I don't like Mondays.

Wipe on..... wipe off.

2005-10-28T15:03:00.000+03:00

Wow! A head of state calling for the "wiping off the map" of another state. Recently sworn in Iranian President Ahmadinejad made this statement yesterday about Israel which is pretty good going for a country that is trying to be inconspicuous during these times, what with the Syria thing going on. Although the Iranians are masters of rhetoric, this really seems to be crossing the line. They seem to have dug themselves so deep with that statement that they aren't even bothering to backtrack, saying that it has been Iran's official policy for years. What's worrying is that a country that probably has nuclear weapons (or are close to having them) can use such crass, blunt and threatening language towards another nation that is not known for its reticence, that does have nuclear weapons AND is within range.
I tell you, if this thing kicks off I'll be taking a seat at the back of the stands to watch. Way back. About 3,000 miles way back.

The UN is leaking from all over. The investigation into the UN's oil-for-food program shows that it was used and abused like the prettiest sheep in Australia (that's as offensive as I can get at the moment). Russia & France were shown "preferential treatment" from Saddam's Iraq in the form of oil allocations and commissions, and although the French are investigating many of its ministers, current & former, I don't think we'll hear much from Russia. The gem in all of this is that Tariq Aziz, Iraq's then deputy prime minister AND in charge of foreign relations with France, told investigators that "beneficiaries received oil barrel allocations based on their level of opposition to sanctions". So all the French and Russian squawking in opposition was nothing more than white noise to cover the sound of money clinking in their coffers and I assume it got louder or softer depending on budgetary needs.
Either way, the French would have anyway preferred not to go to war.

The Simpsons is being adapted for the Middle East. I wonder how Omar Al-Shamshoom will say this.

I went to Cancun a couple of years ago with a friend of mine - well, about an hour's drive south of Cancun to a place called Tulum. Fantastic little place, beautiful beaches, tropical forests, etc. We got a plain old cabana on the beach for $10 a night and slung our hammocks out on the patio and slept there. There was no electricity, but a generator gave you light until 10pm so it was cold freshwater showers every day. Fresh fish cooked on a beach fire every day, fresh juice and fresh coconuts that drop onto the sand during the night.
Not to belittle the plight of so many people around Cancun after Hurricane Wilma, but a report in the IHT today says that many tourists are still "stranded" there in the conditions I described above. Stranded, my arse. It's 30°C and sunny there.... That's extending a holiday. Next time I go away, I'm going to try that: "I'm sorry, I won't be able to be back at work as planned.....you see, I'm stranded in Barbados...."

I'm in a bit of a bind for MacDara's Saturday Halloween party. I've contemplated going as myself and saying that I am in fact the G-Man dressed as Desmond, but that will involve making sure the G-Man doesn't turn up. No easy feat if you have ever met the G-Man. I also looked into the possibility of going as the Invisible Man, but that's a little obvious. I'm not one for costumes really, so I may have to brave the barrage of insults and hisses and go as I am just to get to my stool. Maybe I'll sneak some Midleton's with me to calm the seething masses. Maybe.

Boo.

Norwegian Blue

2005-10-27T14:57:00.000+03:00

I think the world is slowly going mad. In England this week they are trying to get a bill through the House of Lords called the Racial & Religious Hatred Bill. While the idea of it is commendable and worthy, the actual practice of it is madness because anyone found guilty of being "insulting or abusive" could be facing a prison term of up to 7 years.

I've called my friends things that are insulting AND abusive based on their race or religion and I still do, while they return the favour tenfold. It doesn't mean that I don't like them or that they don't like me. Now the argument against me could be that I am perpetuating stereotypes and reinforcing negative attitudes and yak, yak, yak but the point is where does it lead?

For example, if I call my friend Tony Soprano a silly Manxman (well, he does support Everton & I'm still being polite) and he's had a bad day at work, could he have me arrested? If I spot a praying mantis in my garden should I keep my mouth shut in case someone takes offence?
In the US, I've seen stickers on plastic bottles of soda warning sugar-crazed morons that "contents are under pressure - open away from face". I've seen Bic lighters bearing the same message but obviously for eyebrow-less morons. I know it's all to prevent the lazy, litigious section of society having their way with corporations and I know it has nothing to do with race or religion but just look how weird that is getting. You spill hot coffee in your lap from a cup that is emblazoned with "CAUTION - CONTENTS HOT" yet you still sue because it didn't specify that the contents were really, really hot. Get a job.

Now, I've been called some harsh things and laughed at some, laughed less at others and returned a few good 'uns but I have never thought about getting the law involved. That's something you save for when you get beaten up in the pub. What a namby-pamby place Britain is starting to be. Besides, if you want to hear some really cruel and harmful stuff, spend a while as a fly on the wall in a schoolyard. That'll put some perspective on it.

While I'm still on the subject, I guess Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch must be driving the PC crowd insane with its newfound relevance. Ahem.

What did you call me?

I can hear sirens.

Viva Las Vegas

2005-10-25T15:44:00.000+03:00

My folks are safely ensconced in the hedonist's paradise in Nevada with Lindsay, Skye & the Dude and are quite happy with the 10-hour time difference between us. It's weird getting a phone call at 11am here only to hear a really happy voice at the other end just going to bed at 1am there.....apparently they are overlooking the Eiffel Tower.......and Venice..........and Big Ben.........

Things here haven't changed much. The Mehlis report came out and fingered the people and entities responsible so thanks to the judge, he did a good job. On the heels of the report came Syria, Hezbollah and Amal denouncing it as an American & Israeli blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....same crap, different day.
There was even a huge demonstration in Damascus denouncing the report AND some Lebanese politicians. Irony obviously not being the regime's forte, there was a photo in the paper today of a sign in the Damascus demonstration depicting Marwan Hamadeh (minister who survived a car bomb attack on his convoy, allegedly by Syria), Walid Jumblatt (minister whose father was killed by a Syrian car bomb), Saad Hariri (whose father Rafic was murdered by a Syrian car bomb and whose death the Mehlis report investigated) and Gebran Tueni dressed as, wait for it........rabbis! Yes! I keep going back to that photo and having a good giggle at the sheer idiocy of it.
Of course, it was a spontaneous gathering and everyone was given the day off work there, presumably by the same people who helped Gen. Ghazi Kenaan "retire".....
A few politicians made their way back home after their self-imposed 2-week exile. Not that they were scared or anything but maybe they knew something we didn't. Anyway, their arrival was made the same way as their departure, without notice or announcement. Some had even tried disinformation and announced their return for the end of the week. Priceless.

It seems that MacDara's Midletons poacher has also got my bottle - he must be bloody good because there was no one at home.....except me.....and a whiskey glass. Now I'll have to get another bottle to see if I can trap him this time.

On a lighter note, a Beirut landmark has reopened. The Beirut Cellar is apparently functioning under new management after being closed for quite a while. It's been revamped, redecorated and a new menu added. I'm just assuming that all this newness means you won't be insulted by the UNBELIEVABLY rude staff while being poisoned by the kitchen, all the while drinking Beirut's most expensive bottle of Almaza. And don't send me angry emails with your rose-tinted memories of the place because as far as I remember, it only managed to stay open when it was the only place in the area.
Having said that, heartfelt good luck to the new owners.

Time to tango

2005-10-22T15:29:00.000+03:00

So here we are at the weekend again. Syria has been unmasked, fingers have been pointed and it seems that Dubya is on the warpath again. I think that everyone here knew what was going to be in the report because after 30 years of living under Syrian tutelage, we've become accustomed to the clues. Every murder more brutal than the next and with frankly very little attempt to cover their tracks except the acquiescence of their stooges here to deny everything. They got so lulled by the comfort of their total power that they didn't move with the times - they thought they could keep on using their brutal ways and no one would ever say anything.
Finally, they got caught in their own game....talk about poetic justice. It should be fun over the next few days watching the various levels of the regime scream & squawk their innocence and try to belittle the report by calling it an "American trick" or "an Israeli endgame".
I intend to watch a lot of football over the weekend, with the occasional news report for good balance, and drink an awful lot. Where's MacDara?
It's time for Syria to face the music.
Bring on the band.

Head for the hills?

2005-10-20T13:27:00.000+03:00

In the run up to the release of the Mehlis report, people are understandably feeling a little nervous and apprehensive. I realize that in Lebanon anything is possible at any time whether good or bad and in the course of the past 20 years or so we have witnessed it all, first hand. My parents, especially my dad, were here through it all apart from the occasional short stay in London when it really got too much to bear. I was away at school during much of that time and only came back here for the holidays but then was here more permanently when I went to the AUB and now work in the family business. My point is that since '81 or '82, my folks have been stalwarts and have never fled the country - they always travel, sure, especially now that one of my sisters and her husband and baby are living in the USA. So it worries me that after all they stayed here through, they have chosen this weekend to start a month-long holiday a long way from here. It worries me because my dad's been quite vocal about taking extra care when out & about during this time, lots of tsk-ing & sucking of teeth when I go to the pub to watch my lovely Chelsea play, and now he's going for a month - the first half very far away and the second half, half as far away...
"The two are not related", he assures me, making sure their travel arrangements are all in place for the day after the report's release, "everything will be fine, we've had this planned for a long time...."

And to be fair, it has been planned for a while.....ever since the report's release date was announced. So I guess that's ok. Not to worry.

My favourite season

2005-10-17T14:09:00.000+03:00

Autumn made its first appearance yesterday. Actually, as every year, autumn just popped in to introduce winter. I know this because it pissed with rain, the roads flooded, my electricity went off, the Gemmayze "ishtirak" generator took an hour to get started, my landline went dead, I lost my satellite connection (both internet and TV) and a huge Cadillac SUV spectacularly wrapped itself around a lamppost outside Spinney's supermarket in Achrafieh. Not that the SUV thing is the seasonal equivalent of sparrows and summer but it seems that as soon as it rains for the first time in 7 months, nobody thinks that the going may be a little slick. Tailgating becomes Death Race 2000. Surely it's a no-brainer to be extra careful?
Today is sunny and 25ºC.

Returning to Gen. Ghazi Kanaan's death, I just finished reading a biography on Rommel, who was probably Hitler's finest tactician, the Desert Fox and all that. He was part of a group of top generals that tried to assassinate Hitler but failed. He was given the option of facing a military tribunal, execution and the "disappearance" of his family or....... killing himself and getting full military honours and a hero's burial. He took the poison they gave him. Before the angry emails, the only parallels I'm drawing are between their deaths. How life imitates, well, life really.

On another kind of blue, Chelsea once again walked all over the competition but only after getting a deserved dressing down from Mad Mourinho. Nice to see them hitting their stride.

Right, I'm off to work.

Pull!!!!

2005-10-15T13:04:00.000+03:00

As if we didn't have enough to worry about, this weekend brings the news that the deadly strain of bird flu, H5N1 has entered the European continent. Lovely. That's an awful lot closer than Thailand. One of the unproven theories is that it travels with migrating birds, in whose path Lebanon lies. The Lebanese government's solution is to ban people from shooting at flocks of migrating birds. Again.

We used to have fantastic flying-V formation migrations directly over Beirut and instead of gawping in awe at nature's genius, we Lebanese would go for our guns. Ah yes, nothing like the smell of cordite to accompany such a display. Families would bring out their entire armoury and let all the family have a crack - from BB guns to bazookas. ("Here, ya ibnee, put it on full automatic").
The flying-V would become a flying-\ /, a flying- and finally a flying-" ".

Who cares what kind of bird it was, it was a fair target, guv.

On a lighter note, I've discovered the joys of Midleton's Irish whiskey, the jewel in the crown of the Jameson's distillery, (thanks to Aideen & MacDara), and Romeo & Juliet Cedros deluxe No.1 (thanks to my dad).
This weekend, I shall mostly be very happy.

Enjoy yours.

Sorry, officer?

2005-10-14T10:25:00.000+03:00

I've been here way too long to be getting angry at the way things are done here but the useless inflating of the national debt through the purchase of road signs is just too much to stomach.

I mean, what's the point of strategically placing no entry signs and one-way signs on one-way streets? No parking signs on busy roads? No U-turn signs at traffic lights? Come to think of it, why bother with traffic lights anyway? The only times they ever work is when they have a white-gloved policeman underneath them using some inscrutable logic to misdirect everyone, and even then only when he's finished talking on his cellphone or chatted to his friends in cars coming from the opposite direction - and of course, never ever before he's finished his smoke.....

This morning on my way to work, a policeman working the crossroads at the Sofil centre stopped traffic in all 4 very busy directions just to help the friend he had spent a while talking to in the middle of the road make a U-turn right under the fairly prominent no U-turn sign. I hate to nag and harp about these petty things (says he, nagging & harping...), but to stretch anyone's patience the cretin then ended up making a 60-point turn and then HE gets upset when 3000 drivers lean on their horns. Only a driver experienced at navigating these roads could pull a U-ie and give a high finger to all 4 compass points in turn, while simultaneously giving the wrist-swivelling "shou bek?" gesture. If I wasn't so utterly pissed off I'd have been impressed. Oh wait, in retrospect I am.
And your policeman? Smoking a fag on the side of the road, giving a 1000-yard stare to something in the opposite direction. Now that's impressive.

Welcome to my country.

The civic sense? I see stupid people.

If I were a rich man....

2005-10-13T15:38:00.000+03:00

Just wanted to put up a link to this brilliant article, Syria after Lebanon. Good, hard, corrolated facts.... hmmm, it all makes sense now....

Dot, dot, dash, dash, dot....

2005-10-13T09:49:00.000+03:00

News of General Ghazi Kanaan's death was met with a somewhat muted response amongst my acquaintances yesterday here in Beirut. I wasn't expecting street parties but I imagined this thought-provoking news would have led to some discussion. After all, this is the man who was basically in charge of Lebanon for 20 years, responsible for those wonderful times. He had called a radio station in Beirut with his final statement claiming innocence or ignorance of any Syrian oppression or crime in Lebanon. Did he know they were coming for him or was the Lebanon situation really "weighing on his mind"? Pfft. I hope this isn't the start of yet another new violent trend.

Went to the pub yesterday to watch England finally put on a footballing display that reflected their £206 million combined worth. Eriksson may have at last found a decent midfield without totems Beckham or Gerrard. Also, next year will be the 40th anniversary of our winning the cup.....could this truly spooky coincidence mean it's going to happen again?? We'll probably beat Brazil and then get bumped out by Togo in true England style...Nice to be back with the usual reprobates after our Cyprus jaunt......
In order, .... the G-Man (our resident international superhero), Tony Soprano (our muscle, and the man who gets things done "that way"), MacDara (inimitable, elusive soothsayer), Kenny Rogers (comic relief and all round good bloke, son)

Here's a tip...

2005-10-12T17:41:00.000+03:00

I don't know how half the people put up with the utter rudeness which seems to be endemic in our fair land (I say half, because the other half seem to be unaware of it or simply unfazed).
Just came back from Cyprus after watching the Ireland-Cyprus World Cup qualifier with MacDara, Tony Soprano, Kenny Rogers and the G-Man.......arriving back here at the airport, I went to get myself a luggage trolley and was kindly rolled one from the huge line of them by an airport worker in overalls. I beamed a smile at him, nodded my head in thanks and was subsequently shocked to hear him mutter to his friend the arabic equivalent of "stingy knob".....about me.
Now, I don't consider myself a stingy person by any stretch of the imagination, but does rolling a trolley 3 feet really constitute a tippable job well done?? Of course, his real mistake was thinking I wasn't Lebanese and the attitude does come over me sometimes like David Naughton's pelt on a full moon. Cue torrent of abuse plus a few pointers on customer service. Consider that a job well done.
Oi!!! Where's my bloody tip?